Author: admin

First class

Posted on by admin

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”

The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.” The head stewardesses doesn’t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.

The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, “I told her the front half of the airplane wasn’t going to Jamaica.”

Wily Old Lady

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An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted.She told the artist: “Paint me with diamond ear-rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach and a gold Rolex.”The confused artist said: “But you’re not wearing any of those things.””I know,” she said.”But if I die before my husband, I’m sure my husband will remarry. And I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery.”

Old-age humor

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A husband and wife, both in their 80’s, visit their doctor and complain of short-term memory loss.

After listening, the doctor suggests that they may want to write down the things they would like to remember. The couple agree that this would be a good idea.

A few days go by and the husband and wife are in bed late one evening when the wife says she could go for a bowl of ice cream. The husband volunteers to go down to the kitchen and dish it up.

“Do you think you should write it down like the doctor said?” the wife asks.

“No, I think I can remember a bowl of ice cream,” replies the husband, as he heads downstairs.

After a few minutes the husband comes through the door and presents his wife with a platter of bacon and eggs.

“I knew this would happen!” she exclaimed. “You forgot my toast!”

Submitted by yisman
Edited by Curtis

Rooster and the cat

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Answer these questions to the best of your ability:

1. How many eyes does a rooster have?
2. How many legs does a rooster have?
3. How many beaks does a rooster have?
4. And finally, how many whiskers does a cat have?

OK now that you’ve answered all these questions to the best of your ability ask yourself this…

why is it you know so much about cock and nothing about pussy?

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

Saddam and Clinton

Posted on by admin

What might’ve happened:

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam’s chair.

They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face.

Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs.

A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.

But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, he’s finally had enough, knowing that he can’t do much without them functioning well. “I’m going back home!” he tells the Iraqi. “We’ll finish these talks in two weeks!”

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Clinton’s chair and prepares himself for the Yank’s revenge.

They begin talking and Bill presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Clinton snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Clinton roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Clinton falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

“Forget this,” says Saddam. “I’m going back to Baghdad!”

Clinton says through tears of laughter, “What Baghdad?”