Yours Fun Portal !
Once there were three babys still inside the uterus of their mother.
They were all talking and wondering what each other was going to be when they grew up.
The first baby said, “I want to be a fireman so I can put fires out.”
The next said, “I want to be a carpenter so I can fix this place up.”
The last one said, “I want to be a hunter so I can kill that bald headed bastard that keeps popping in and out of here!”.
Una joven est� sentada en un autob�s con su hijo reci�n nacido, cuando un borracho llega tropezando por el pasillo y se detiene junto a ella.
“�Vaya!” dice el borracho “�Este es el beb� m�s feo que he visto en mi vida!” La mujer se suelta a llorar. Sin entender lo que pasa, el chofer ve a la se�ora llorando y detiene el autob�s, se levanta, atrapa al borracho y lo baja a patadas.
“No s� que le haya dicho ese borracho, pero si en algo le ayuda a olvidar este mal rato, le ofrezco un poco de caf� de mi termo…”
La joven acepta y el chofer toma su termo, y le sirve un vaso de caf�. Despu�s se busca en el bolso de la chaqueta y saca una bolsa con pl�tano: “Y esto es para su changuito…”
This guy was sitting in his attorney’s office. “Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?” the lawyer said.”Give me the bad news first.””Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars.””That’s the bad news?” asked the man incredulously. “I can’t wait to hear the terrible news.””The terrible news is that it’s of you and your secretary.”
A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.
He thought to himself, “Life isn’t so bad after all,” and got off the railing.
He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.
“Thank you,” he said. “I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind.”
“Dancing? I’m not dancing!” the armless man replied bitterly…
“My asshole itches, and I can’t scratch it!”
How do you tell the first Bush administration from the second Bush
administration?
This time the stupid one’s in charge.
“�Auxilio, socorro, llamen a los bomberooos… se quema nuestra casaaaaa!”
“�Shhh!… silencio mi amor, no hagas ruido que vas a despertar a tu madre.”
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8.00 p.m.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.
“Where have you been!” demanded his wife when he entered the house.
“Darling, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary, and we’ve been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until 8.00 p.m.”
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!!”
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Calamjo
Earn cash in your spare time — blackmail friends.
WASSUP or WAZZUP howerver the hell you spell it,it still means the same thing so grab your gun and lets go hunting.
The early bird gets the worm,……. But the second mouse gets the cheese!
Yo mama’s like…
– Yo mama’s like a T.V., even a two-year-old could turn her on.
– Yo mama’s like a bowling ball. She’s picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more.
– Yo mama’s like a rifle…four cocks and she’s loaded.
– Yo mama’s like a bubble gum machine…five cents a blow.
– Yo mama’s like Chinese food…sweet, sour, and cheap.
– Yo mama’s like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.
– Yo mama’s like Burger King… Your way, right away.
– Yo mama’s like a squirrel, she’s always got some nuts in her mouth.
– Yo mama’s like 7-Eleven… open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.
– Yo mama’s like a toilet, fat, white, and smells like shit.
– Yo mama’s like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.
– Yo mama’s like a street lamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner.
– Yo mama’s like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.
– Yo mama’s like a 747, she has a very large cockpit.
– Yo mama’s like a microwave, one button and she’s hot.
– Yo mama’s like speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.
– Yo mama’s like a mail box, open day and night.
– Yo mama’s like a bag of potato chips, “Free-To-Lay.”
– Yo mama’s like a turtle, once she’s on her back she’s fucked.
– Yo mama’s like a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.
– Yo mama’s like a bowling ball, you can fit three fingers in.
– Yo mama’s like a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.
– Yo mama’s like cheap liquor, tastes like shit.
– Yo mama’s like an aircraft carrier, has a flat top, a big bottom, cruises up and down the coast, and picks up 100 sailors in every port.
– Yo mama’s like a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long.
– Yo mama’s like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.
– Yo mama’s like a door knob, everybody gets a turn.
– Yo mama’s like Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.
– Yo mama’s like Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.
– Yo mama’s like Pizza Hut, if she isn’t there in 30 minutes… it’s free.
– Yo mama’s like Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.
– Yo mama’s like a carpenter’s dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.
– Yo mama’s like a gas station… you gotta pay before you pump.
– Yo mama’s like a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.
– Yo mama’s like a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.
– Yo mama’s like a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up.
– Yo mama’s like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.
– Yo mama’s like a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.
– Yo mama’s like a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.
– Yo mama’s like a race car driver… she burns a lot of rubbers.
– Yo mama’s like a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country.
– Yo mama’s like a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.
– Yo mama’s like a shotgun, one cock and she blows.
– Yo mama’s like a Toyota, “OOooh what a feeling!”
– Yo mama’s like a vacuum cleaner… a real good suck.
– Yo mama’s like a vacuum cleaner… she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet.
– Yo mama’s like an ice cream cone… everyone gets a lick.
– Yo mama’s like the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.
– Yo mama’s like a refrigerator, everyone puts their meat in her.
– Yo mama’s like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
– Yo mama’s like an elevator, guys go up and down on her all day.
– Yo mama’s like Denny’s… open 24 hours.
– Yo mama’s like McDonalds… Billions and Billions served.
– Yo mama’s like McDonalds… What you want is what you get.
– Yo mama’s like mustard, she spreads easy.
– Yo mama’s like the Pillsbury dough boy… everybody pokes her.
– Yo mama’s like lettuce, $1 a head.
– Yo mama’s like a hardware store, 25 cents a screw.
Your momma is so fat… the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs!
– Yo momma is so ugly, she entered and ugly contest and one of the judges said “Sorry…No proffessionals allowed!!!”
-Yo momma’s so fat, when the lord said – “Let There Be Light”, he had to ask her to move over!
-Yo mama’s teeth are so yellow that when she smiles, people SLOW DOWN!
-Yo mama is so fat, she walked into a resturant took one look at the menu and said,”yes please!”
-Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale!
-Yo momma’s so fat she had to get baptised at Sea World!
-Whenever your mamma farts, she causes a continental drift!
-Yo momma’s so fat even if she was the last person alive, the world would still be over populated!
What did Bill Gates’ wife say to him on his wedding night?
“Now I know why you called your company Microsoft”