Author: admin

The bar was getting ready to close, so Richard asked the nearest woman, “What would you say to a little “oral” activity?””That all depends,…” she quickly responded.”…Your face, or mine?”

* Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. * Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. * On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared. * The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. * The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. * Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission. * Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. * The patient refused autopsy. * The patient has no previous history of suicides. * Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. * Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days. * Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. * Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. * Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might want to work her up. * She is numb from her toes down. * While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. * The skin was moist and dry. * Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. * Patient was alert and unresponsive. * She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. * Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid. * I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. * Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. * Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized. * The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. * The patient was to have a bowel resection. * However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. * Skin: somewhat pale but present. * The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. * Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ____, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. * Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. * She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night. * Patient was found in bed with her power mower.

Two Irishmen, Abdul and Mohammed, are driving their camel across the
desert. At the last two oases, the camel has refused to drink, and is now
quite dry. They fear he will die of dehydration. They reach one more
oasis, and after Abdul and Mohammed have slacked their thirst, they start
to work on getting the camel to drink. No amount of urging, cursing, or
beating the camel sticks will get him to drink the water.

Finally, in desperation, Mohammed tells Abdul: “We will force him to drink.
I will grab his ears and push his head down into the water. Meanwhile, you
go around the back and suck.’ Abdul agrees, and they begin the plan.
After several minutes have passed, Mohammed asks Abdul: “How are things
coming back there?” Abdul replies: “I think you have his head too low, all
I am getting is mud!”