What is your IQ?Bob is throwing a party. He decides that, to break the ice at his party, he’ll ask his guests what their I.Q. is–hopefully this will strike up an appropriate conversation from there.The day of Bob’s party rolls around, and when the first guest knocks on the door, Bob asks the person what her I.Q. is.”200,000″ replies the first guest.”Well, that’s great,” says Bob, let’s talk about ethereal astro physics.Bob and this first guest talk about the aforementioned subject for a while.Later in the party, someone else is at the door. “Hi my name is Bob; welcome to my party, what’s your I.Q.?”The new guest responds with “250”.”Great,” says Bob. “Lets talk about advanced math. Bob and his new guest talk about calculus and statistics for awhile.Much later in the party, after many more guests had arrived and been spoken to by Bob, yet another guest arrives at the door. “Hi, my name’s Bob; welcome to my party, what’s your I.Q.?”This time the guest replies after putting some thought into it “five”.”Well, that’s great,” says Bob, “what kind of drumsticks do you use?”
Author: admin
He’s drunk at the bar
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.The results showed a reading of 0.0.The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”
Y2KY Jelly
The manufacturers of KY Jelly have announced that their product is now fully Year 2000 compliant.
In the light of this they have now renamed it as: Y2KY Jelly.
Said a spokesman: “The main benefit of this revision to our product, is that you can now insert four digits into your date instead of two.”
Lawyers advice
Two guys, George and Harry, set out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says “Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are.” Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover. George says, “I still can’t tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground.” So Harry yells down to the man, “Hey, pardon me but could you tell us where we are?”The man on the ground yells back, “You’re in a balloon 100 feet up in the air.” George turns to Harry and says, “that man is a lawyer.” “How can you tell?”, inquires Harry. George answers, “Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally useless.”
Watches Are Falling
One day 3 guys met in a hotel. A gambler who always won money, A
show off, and a lonely guy who had no friends. This lonely guy
needed money. He decided to place a bet with the gambler and the
show off. He knew that there was a huge problem with his watch,
but he didn’t know what, so he decided to place a bet with it.
We will all throw our watch out the window on the 14th floor the
lonely guy said.
You will have to run down those stairs, go out the door, and
catch it. The person who catches it at the bottom wins. If no
one catches it no one wins anything. The other two guys thought
this was realy dumb, but they decided to give it a shot. The
gambler went first. He got to the 6th floor when the watch hit
the ground. MAN! The show off went next. He got to the 4th floor
when it hit the ground. SHOOT! The lonely guy went last. He
threw it out the window. He walked down the stairs, went to his
favorite coffee shop, went home to watch his favorite television
show, and came back and caught the watch. They both owed him
$500.00! Wow the 2 guys said. Here’s your money. But how did you
do that? The lonely guy finally found out what was wrong with
his watch. I don’t know how I won he said. I guess my watch is
slow.
Dead Parrot
What do you call a dead parrot?
A Polygon.
Sardarji Editor
A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once he was traveling
to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway department improvements. His coach
was the last coach in the train. The train was moving very fast and so
sardarji’s coach was jerking heavily. This made him not to prepare for the
speech.
Annoyed by the event, the next day in the meeting, his first point towards
improvement of railway department was: “There should not be last coach in any
train.”
Una tortuga se fue de
Una tortuga se fue de vacaciones para Cartagena, e iba caminando muy tranquila, cuando de pronto, a la orilla de la carretera sale una lagartija y le dice:
“Adi�s, se�ora tortuga. �Ad�nde va?”
“A Cartagena, de vacaciones”, contesta la tortuga.
“Ll�veme por favor, yo no peso mucho y me puedo ir en su caparaz�n”.
La tortuga, disgustada, la manda a comer mierda y prosigue su camino.
La lagartija, ofendida, deja que se aleje un poco y cautelosamente la sigue y sin que lo note se le sube en el caparaz�n. As� viajaron durante largo tiempo, hasta que a su paso sale un sapo que le pregunta a la tortuga:
“�Ad�nde va, se�ora tortuga?”
“A Cartagena”.
“�Y usted, se�ora lagartija?”, le pregunta el sapo.
“�Hasta aqu�, sapo hijueputa!”
The Anninversary
My father and mother were recently celebrating their 50th wedding
anniversary. While cutting the cake, my mother was moved after
seeing my father�s eyes fill with tears. Mother took his arm, and
looked at him affectionately. “I never knew you were so
sentimental,” she whispered.
“No, no,” he said, choking back his tears, “that�s not it at all.
Remember when your father found us in the barn and told me to either
marry you or spend the next 50 years in jail?”
“Yes,” my mother replied. “I remember it like yesterday.”
“Well,” said my father, “today I would have be a free man!”
The counter-lunch
There once was this guy who walked into a bar and ordered a counter-lunch. When his meal arrived he noticed a pile of peas on his plate. The man stares at them for a moment and than proceeds to tell the barman, “Gee, I haven’t had a pea in forty years.” The barman then yells to the entire pub, “Quick, anyone who can’t swim grab a chair!”
Diaster
One day, the queen mother, Ian paisley, ian paisleys son and
Nelson mandela were taking a plane trip. To the horror of the
passengers the plane had spiralled out of control.
There were only 5 parchutes and 6 people. So the two pilots
took the first two parachutes and jumped out of the plane,
leaving 4 people and only three parachutes.
So Ian paisley said to the queen mother “you should go your
highness, you’re much too important to England to die” so she
took a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
Then Ian paisley said to Nelson mandela “sir, you should go,
your people need you” So Nelson mandela took a parachute and
jumped out of the plane.
Ian paisley’s son piped up “Da what about us?? theres only 1
left!!!”
But Paisley laughed and said “Dont worry son, I gave that black
bastard your schoolbag!!!!!!!”
Q: How many Unix
Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?A: One, but first he has to determine the correct path.