A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island. they reallize their only chance of survival is to swim 500 meters to shore so the redhead tries first but only gets 200 meters and drowns, then the brunette tries and gets 300 meters and drowns, finally the blonde gives it a go she gets 250 meters out and says,” O crap its too far!” then she swims back to the island.
Author: admin
You Gotta Be Joking
1. If Miss Issippi bought a New Jersey for Miss Ourri, What
would Della wear?
2. Why was the tomato blushing?
3. What do you call twin brothers?
4. What color do you paint the sun and the wind?
5. What is the leader of all tools?
ANSWERS—————————————————-
1. I don’t know but I’ll ask her (Alaska).
2. It saw the salad dressing.
3. A sunset.
4. The sun rose and the wind blue.
5. The ruler.
Elephants never forg
Have heard elephants never forget. And if a woman was raped by an elephant? Bet she’ll never forgets either!
I once had dinner in
I once had dinner in a German-Chinese restaurant. The food was delicious,
but an hour later, I was hungry for power.
The Top 15 Disclaimers Found on Toy Boxes (Part II)
15> No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product.
14> For children ages 4-10, or really wasted adults.
13> Not to be confused with “Poke You Man” by Adult Inflatable Products, Ltd.
12> Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much.
11> Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial.
10> Failure to fall immediately to your knees in gratitude and eternally thank parents for shelling out $400 and waiting in line behind a smelly woman from Jersey City for two hours to *get* your Sega Dreamcast — especially when you’ve already got a Playstation and a box full of games that are now headed for the next garage sale — may result in bodily injury.
9> Syringe and vaccine sold separately.
8> Do not stare at product. Hey! You’re doing it now! Cut that out!!
7> In case of breakage, scream until dad buys a replacement.
6> Do not attempt to combine your Ultra Mega Warrior with your cat to make Ultra Mega Cat Warrior.
5> For eternal use only.
4> For best results, consume hard liquor prior to assembly.
3> Talk to your doctor before using Xenical Barbie. Xenical Barbie not intended for children less than 20% above their ideal weight. Discontinue use if oily leakage occurs.
2> Replacement blades and toes not included.
1> Warning: Although technically a game, Parcheesi sucks.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]You think that Marlboro is
You think that Marlboro is a cologne.Your best coat is a black and red checkered.You put your Christmas lights up 2 weeks after taking them down.
In The Closet
Every time timmy’s mom had her boyfriend over, she put timmy in the closet
with his teddy bear.
one day, hearing her husband coming up the stairs, she quickly shoved her
boyfriend in with timmy.
“gee, it’s mighty dark in here,” timmy said.
“yes, it sure is,” replied the boyfriend.
“you want to buy my teddy bear for fifty bucks?” asked timmy.
“no way, kid. you’re crazy,” said the boyfriend.
“i’ll scream,” said timmy.
so the boyfriend forked over the money.
the next time timmy’s grandmother came to visit, she noticed that her grandson
was buying candy, ice cream and comic books.
“where did you get the money for all those things?” she asked, but timmy
wouldn’t tell her.
“well, if you won’t tell me, you’ll have to go to confession and tell the
priest,” said grandma, and dragged timmy off to the church.
as he entered the gloomy confession booth, timmy said, “gee, it’s mighty dark
in here.”
“are you going to start that s*** again?” the priest replied.
A First in American Politics
The “Right-Reverend” Jessie Jackson has added former Chicago democratic
congressman Mel Reynolds to the Rainbow/Push Coalition’s payroll.
Reynolds was among the 176 criminals excused in President Clinton’s
last-minute forgiveness spree. Reynolds received a commutation of his six-and-a-
half-year federal sentence for 15 convictions of wire fraud, bank fraud and lies
to the Federal Election Commission. He is more notorious, however, for
concurrently serving five years for being involved with an underage campaign
volunteer.
This is a first in American politics: An ex-congressman who was
involved with a subordinate, won clemency from a president who was involved with
a subordinate then was hired by a clergyman who was involved with a
subordinate.
His new job? Youth Counselor!
Gyn.
One woman says to another: “I can’t understand why you haven’t gone to see that new gynecologist yet! I mean he’s so young and handsome! And your gynecologist is so old!”
The other woman replies with a smile: “Yeah, I know. His hands shake *all* the time!”
Escape a dwi rap
Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing
lights from a policeman appear in the driver’s rear-view mirror. ”Don’t
worry!” says the driver to his friend, ”Just do exactly what I tell you and
everything will work out perfectly. First, we’ll peel the labels off our beer
bottles and we’ll each stick one on our forehead. Now shove all of the bottles
under the front seat! And, let me do all the talking!”
They pull over to the side of the road and the cop walks up to the car. He
shines his flashlight into the car and looks at the two drunks. ”Have you been
drinking?” he asks them.
”Oh no Sir,” replies the driver.
”I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you sure you
haven’t been drinking?” the cop asks.
”Oh, no sir,” the drunk answers. ”We haven’t had a thing to drink
tonight.”
”Well, I’ve got to ask you,” says the cop, ”What on earth are those things
on your forehead?”
”That’s easy, Officer,” says the drunk. ”You see, we’re both alcoholics,
and we’re on the patch!”
Toe-Nail / Cherry-Stem
In a recent discussion, two things were mentioned that were supposed to be seductive to a woman: — having a guy paint her toe-nails — being able to tie a knot in a cherry stem with one’s tongueThe person who brought these activities up was reluctant to elaborate, so I emailed and chat-roomed a number of women, asking if they would explain. The following is the results of this informal survey: The Toe-Nail Thing…- I do know that some women love having their feet played with (massaged, toe-painted, etc), but I’m not one of those since my feet are too ticklish.- On the funny side: it puts the male in a submissive position — Down on their hands and knees. (I don’t really think that is it… but it sounds good.)- as a guess… i think it would 1) make a woman feel special to have a man showing her such personal attention, 2) show her the tender, slow care he can provide, and 3) let her know he would do just about anything for her. I dunno… I guess on my part that’s how i would take it.- taking the time to paint a woman’s toenails supposedly demonstrates sensitivity and caring… In short, it’s foreplay.- You got me! LOL- Did you see the movie ”bull Durham”? One of the guys painted a woman’s toenails.- a guy that paints his lady’s toenails is someone who adores his lady.. know where i can get me one?- Some women have a toe fetish. It is one of the erogenous zones in some women. I’m one of them. That’s why the painted toenails… turns us on.- Well feet are very sensitive to the touch..and if you’re gentle enough..well its nice…good enough answer for ya??- It’s a cop out. It means she is too fat to bend over and paint them herself. – Never heard of it. Maybe it’s just being pampered by someone else that’s seductive.- I love to have attention paid to my feet, so that would explain liking one’s toe-nails being paintedThe Cherry-Stem Thing…- I figure it has something to do with being good with one’s tongue (I’m told I am), and the ”cherry” thing is just another reference to part of the female anatomy?- I asked another female here at work. She didn’t know either but thought that it probably related to certain sexual abilities.- As for the cherry stem, if you have to ask, you’ll never understand. *blush* I mean, what could you use your tongue for that requires THAT kind of dexterity and that even I would be too embarrassed to discuss!?- I think the old cliche about the cherry thing is your prowess in oral sex….- well …… the tying the knot in the cherry stem is pretty obvious …… that tells how talented you are with your tongue … I would say ……- something about the tongue movement.. i can do it… and it would turn you on….- I’m gonna be blunt here ok..so bear w/me… the cherry thing w/the tongue..well that just gives me the idea or thought of what else the tongue can do.. hehe- It’s very erotic…especially if I get to eat the cherry prior to the tongue tying ceremony – a very religious and sacred ceremony performed when one is whooing another. It’s just plain nutz!- If you can manage to pass that trait it does give indication of your umm errr durability … oh you know what I mean. Like to see if the tongue has the ”Proper” motion techniques. – The cherry stem thing has to do with having a flexible tongue (and I can tie one with mine). It’s the same question as ”Why do men get turned on watching a women eat an ice-cream cone or a banana?”- I can tie a knot in a cherry stem — haven’t done it in ages — it’s an old bar trick- the cherry stem thing… shows great tongue control… and we ALL know what that means…
Yo mama so fat…
Yo mama so fat when she takes a ride on a airplane, they charge her double.