Yo’ mama so fat, mountain climbers climb the Himalayas for practice before
climbing her!
Author: admin
Un ingl�s llega a Roma
Un ingl�s llega a Roma en viaje de negocios. Entra a su cuarto de hotel y al comenzar a desvestirse tocan la puerta; es un italiano que le dice:
“Il signore vorrebbe una sigorina per fare l’amore?”
“�No, m� venir s�lo en viaje de negocios!”
Al rato, una vez hecho su aseo personal, tocan de nuevo a la puerta. El mismo personaje:
“Ma, non vorrebbe una signorina, cos� cos�?”
“�No se�or, no insista!”, y cierra la puerta con �mpetu.
Cuando ya estaba por dormirse, vuelve nuevamente el insistente ciudadano:
“E una giovanotta?”
“�Mire, tr�igame al Papa!”
El italiano se va, y el ingl�s se acuesta a dormir por fin; pero al rato, nuevamente, golpean la puerta. Era el italiano que, compungido dice:
“Guardi, il Papa proprio, no; ma, certo cardinale…”
Monica & the Genie!
Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.
“Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!”, she exclaimed.
“No”, said the genie, “You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish.”
“Lets see,” says Monica, “I don’t need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage.”
“And I don’t need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I’ll have all the money I could ever want.”
“I would like to get rid of these love handles, though.” “Yeah, that’s it,for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed.”
Poof!, and just like that, her ears were gone!
No-one home
A lawyer cross-examined the adversary’s main witness. “You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edwards house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?””Objection, your honor,” shouted the other lawyer.There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge allowed it.”So,” the first lawyer continued, “Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?””Nothing,” said the witness. “No one was home.”
Farmer from Western
There once was a farmer from Western Pennyslvainia who died and went to hell. The devil put him in the stone yard. The devil came back the next day and asked, “How was your first day in hell?” he replied”…ok…. but could you get me a blanket?” The devil was insulted. So he turned the thermastat to 150 degrees F. So the next day, the farmer replies, ” It was just like workin on the feilds.” So the devil turned it up to 250 F. The next day, the devil asked him how he was and again he said he was fine. So, the devil thought to himself,”I’m smart…..This guy just doesn’t mind the heat,” So he turned it down to -100 F. The next day, on the devils visit, he saw that the farmer was dancing in the snow.” What is up with u?” The Farmer said..”It’s a cold day in hell…the EGALS MUST HAVE WON THE SUPERBOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Sex is a misdemeanor…
Sex is a misdemeanor…
Rectum
Little Johnny was always late for school. Day after day he would
come to class late. Finally, his teacher told him if he was late
one more day he would be suspended.
So, the next morning he showed up to class late and the teacher
asked him why he was late. He replied, “I was riding my bike
down the hill next to the school, and my brakes gave out. At the
bottom of the hill there was a goat, and my handle bar went
right up his ass.” “RECTUM!” corrected the teacher. With that
little Johnny repiled, “Wrecked him? Hell, it killed him!”
What type of prize did you win?
A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, “I won a motor home! I won a motor home!”The waitress runs over and argues, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!”The blonde replies, “No. I won a motor home!”By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, “You couldn’t possibly have won a motor home because we didn’t have that as one of our prizes.”Again the blonde says, “There is no mistake! I won a motor home!” The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, “WIN A BAGEL.”
The little girl with short skirt
A young girl wearing a short skirt was walking back home from school one day. On her way home, she saw an old man standing under a coconut tree. The old man noticed her and then walked up to the girl and said, �Will you climb up this coconut tree and pluck a coconut for me? � The little girl replied, �Why should I?� The old man told her, �If you help me, I�ll pay you $2.� Thinking that there�s no harm in doing it and at the same time, she can get some pocket money, she agreed.
And so she climbed up the tree. While she was busy plucking the coconut at the top, the old man under the tree then took a peep at her underwear.
When she got the coconut down, the old man handed a $2 note to her. She ran back home happily with the money that she got and went to tell her mother about it. �Mummy, Mummy! I got $2 today. �
After the girl finished telling her mother about what happened earlier, her mother scolded her, �Why are you so stupid?!! That old man is a sex pervert! He just wants you to climb up that coconut tree so that he can peep at your panties!!! � The girl told her mother, �Don�t worry Mummy. I won�t let him see my panties again.�
The next day, on her way back from school, the little girl saw the same old man again, at the same coconut tree. The old man again, asked her to climb up the coconut tree to pluck a coconut for him and return, he will give her $2. The girl told him, �No! Mummy said that you are a sex pervert and I�m not going to help you this time.� The old man paused, and then he said, �Hmm, how about $4?� �Erm�No!� replied the girl. Old man quickly offered her $6.
�$6?� She hesitated for a while before finally agreed to it. So she did the same thing like yesterday and went back home joyfully.
Back home, she called out to her mother, �Mummy, Mummy! I got $6 today!� When the girl told her mother about the old man again, she scolded her, �Didn�t I told you about that old pervert!? Why did you let him see your panties again?� But the girl told her mum, �Don�t worry Mummy, he didn�t get to see my panties this time.� Surprised, her mother asked her why and the girl said,
�Because I didn�t wear any today.�
Farmers’ Wives
Two farmers were leaning over a fence discussing Christmas, when
the first farmer says that he has bought his wife a fur coat and
a Mercedes Benz for Christmas.
The second farmer asks why he bought her a Mercedes and a fur
coat. The first farmer replies that if she doesn’t like the coat
she can drive in the Mercedes to take it back. The second farmer
nods his head as if understanding the reasoning behind the
answer.
The first farmer asks the second what he got his wife for
Christmas. He replies that he bought his wife a pair of slippers
and a vibrator. The first farmer asks why he bought these
combination of presents. The second farmer replies that if she
doesn’t like the slippers she can go and fuck herself.
How do you recycle a used tampon?…
How do you recycle a used tampon?
As a tea bag for vampires
Don’t shit me!
An eagle is circling at about 5,000 feet when he spies a field mouse down below him.
He dives down and eats the mouse.
After a little while, the mouse works his way out of the eagle’s butt.
Proceeding to look around the mouse says, “Tail gunner to pilot…Tail gunner to pilot…”
The eagle says, “What do you want?”
The mouse asks, “How high up are we?”
The eagle thinks for a moment and then says, “Ohh, about 5,000 feet.”
The mouse then replies, “You wouldn’t be shittin’ me now would ya??”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman