Suffering From Dilutions

Peter and Jim were partners in a profitable painting-contracting business. Unfortunately, they weren’t entirely honest, because they mixed their paint with water.

One day Jim’s conscience started to bother him as they painted a poor widow’s house. The next day Jim told Peter he just couldn’t be dishonest anymore.

“Don’t quit now,” Peter begged. “A few more jobs and we can retire.”
Jim refused to change his mind.

“Peter,” he said. “I just can’t do it. Last night an angel stood by my bed and said – ‘Repaint, repaint… you thinner.'”

Ozenal

One day little Johnny’s teacher walked up to her class and she
asks them to think of a sentence with the word Ozenal in it. So
after a few minutes she asks “Who wants to read their sentence
out loud?”

She sees Johnny’s hand but she doesn’t want to ask him because
Johnny has a bad mouth so she looks at around some more.

“Sally, why don’t you tell us your sentence?” the teacher asks.
So Sally stands up and says: “Mommy made lunch and cut her
finger and she put ozenal on it to make it feel better.” “That’s
very good Sally,” the teacher says, she looks over and sees
Billy waving his hand in the air.

“Billy, what is your sentence?” she asks. Billy says: “I was
skateboarding in the park when I fell and my Mom put ozenal on
my knee to make it better.” “That’s very good Billy.”

Finally the teacher gives in and asks little Johnny what his
sentence is… “My dad had a headache and my mom was vacuuming
the floor and my dad shouted ‘IF YOU DONT STOP THAT DAMN THING
I’LL SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS—HOSE ‘N ALL!!”

How'd You Want T

A little old lady had two monkeys for years. One day one of them died of natural causes. In grief, the second monkey passed away two days later. Not knowing what to do with them, she finally decided to take them to the taxidermist and have them stuffed.After telling the owner of her wishes, he asked her, “Do you want them mounted?” Blushing, she said, “No. holding hands will be fine.”

Pepito estaba jugando con su

Pepito estaba jugando con su tren nuevo:

“Atenciooooonnn, se�ores pasajeros, preeeepararse para salir hacia la estaci�n n�mero siete. Chuuuuuchuuuuuu, chiquichiquichiqui, chuchuuuuu. Se�ores pasajeros, llegando a la estaci�n n�mero siete. �Hey, pedazo de hijo de puta, mu�vete de la puerta, cabr�n, no ves que me est�s tapando la salida, so pedazo de maric�n!”

Sale su mam� de la cocina, asustad�sima por el vocabulario del ni�o: “Pepito, �qu� es esa clase de lenguaje? �Cu�ndo has o�do t� hablar a tu padre o a m� de esa manera? Te ir�s a tu pieza, castigado por dos horas, hasta que aprendas a hablar con propiedad.”

Pasan dos horas, y sale pepito de su cuarto: “Mamita, �ya puedo seguir jugando con mi trencito?” “Est� bien, hijo, �pero con buenos modales y vocabulario!”

“A ver, se�ores pasajeroooos, prepararse, por favor, sean ustedes tan amables, para partir hacia la estaci�n n�mero ocho. Chuuuuchuuuuu, chiquichiquichiqui, chuuuuuchuuuu. Se�ores pasajeros les recordamos con todo respeto que las personas que se dirijan al norte de la ciudad, deben desalojar el tren por la puerta derecha, y los que vayan en direcci�n al sur, por la izquierda. �Ah! y para los pasajeros que est�n enojados por las dos horas de retraso… �quejarse con la vieja puta que est� en la cocina!”

Pecker

And husband and wife are driving down the road and the wife says
“Honey, are you cheating on me?” He hesitates and says “Yes
dear, im so sorry” Then all the sudded the wife pulls her
husbands pocket knife out and cuts off his pecker and throughs
it out the window. Following behind them is a little girl and
her father. The pecker hits the wondow and bounces off. The
lillte girl says “Did you see that dad?!” The dad replys “yes
sweetie, it was a bug” Then the little girl says “Did you see
the size of the dick on that bug?!?!”

This joke is kinda lame but i was bored!!!