Yours Fun Portal !
1. It is unsafe to lick your monitor while it is ON.
2. The orifices in the back of your monitor are NOT intended for participation in the LIVE sex shows.
3. The fan in your computer’s power supply is not a good place to cool your “heat of passion” (although, it would certainly be an enlightening experience).
4. Be prepared to replace your keyboard often if you enjoy “tickling the keys” with your manhood.
5. Semen IS electrically conductive!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Hanover!Hanover who?Hanover your money!
A communication technician drafted by the army was at a firing range. At the
range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and 50 rounds. He fired several
shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had
completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his weapon, and then at the target. He looked at the
weapon again, and then at the target again. He then put his finger over the end
of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his
finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area.
A. Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
Q. They think their picture is being taken.
Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
10. For your birthday, you get the head of an infidel.
9. People never refer to you as “The crazy one in the family”.
8. On weekends, you get to bring home weapons of mass destruction .
7. Don’t want to clean your room? Threaten to tell the United States dad’s
exact location.
6. Play your cards right and in 10 years you’ll be torturing the Iraqi
people.
5. Unique chance to observe a tyrannical madman up close.
4. Big inheritance when U.S. troops finally kill your stepfather.
3. Father-son bonding over 3am prank calls to U.N. weapons inspectors.
2. You can get first pick of the police auction’s seized and repossessed
camels.
1. Get to call Bin Laden “Uncle Osama”
A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It’s a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.
The steward who checks tickets says, “I’m so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class.”
“I can do What-eva I want, I’m a blonde.” Well I’ll get the pilot.
The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says,” What did you say?”
The pilot simply says,” I told her 1st class wasn’t going to Miami, just coach was!!!”
A youngster devoted an entire rainy indoors afternoon to a drawing he
was doing with varicolored crayons. His mother finally looked over
his shoulder, and, puzzled, asked “Who’s that you’re drawing, son?”
The son answered, “God.”
“Don’t be silly,” reproved the mother. “Nobody knows what God looks
like.”
Not even pausing in his task, the son announced calmly, “They will
when I’m finished!”
What did the mummy say to the vampire?
you suck!
Why are men like cars?
Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
I’m Glad I’m A Man
I’m glad I’m a man, you better believe.
I don’t live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese
I don’t bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts
I can get where I want to – north, south, east or west
I don’t get wasted after only 2 beers
and when I do drink I don’t end up in tears.
I won’t spend hours deciding what to wear,
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair
and I don’t go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don’t whine in public and make us leave early
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.
I’m glad I’m a man, I’m so glad I could sing
I don’t have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don’t gossip about friends or stab them in the back
I don’t carry our differences into the sack.
I’ll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there’s trying to steal you.
I’m rational, reasonable, and logical too
I know what the time is and I know what to do.
And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball
It’s more fun than dealing with women after all
I won’t cry if you figure out it’s not going to work
I won’t remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure
I won’t assume it’s permanent by any measure.
Yes, I’m glad I’m a man, a man you see
I’m glad I’m not capable of child delivery
I don’t get all bitchy every 28 days
I’m glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise
I’m a man by chance and I’m thankful it’s true
I’m so glad I’m a man and not a woman like you!
The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper.”Steve,” his wife said, while reading the newspaper, “it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to eliminate six overaged destroyers.”To which the husband replies, “Sorry to hear that, dear. I’m sure you’ll miss your mother being gone.”