whats faster than the speed of light yo mama chasin after a 5cent coin rolin down the hill
Author: admin
Sick of Her
Fred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when Fred announces that he’s
going to divorce his wife.
“Good grief,” says Jim, “you and Sue are the happiest couple I know! Why on
earth would you want to divorce such a lovely woman after all these years of
obvious bliss?”
“Well,” replies Fred, “truth be known, I’m just bored with screwing the same
hole night after night after night. I guess I’m hankering’ for a bit of
variety.”
Jim replied, “Well, if you want variety, why don’t you just, you
know, turn her over every now and again?”
Fred says, “What? And have a house full of kids?”
Yo mama is so ugly
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said “What a treasure!” and her father said “Yes, let’s go bury it.”
Invalid responses
A technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his
computer had told him he was ‘bad and invalid’. The tech explained that the
computer’s ‘bad’ command and ‘invalid’ responses shouldn’t be taken personally.
Flowers
A blonde and brunette were walking down the road.
The brunette see’s her husband, and he is carrying flowers.
The brunette says to the blonde “now I’m going to half to spread my legs!”, and the blonde says “why? don’t you have a vase?”
Frantic call
A frantic call was received by a user that his external computer equipment
wasn’t working. The problem was quickly resolved when tech support asked how
many cables were coming out from the piece of equipment. “One replied the
caller” The power cord hadn’t been connected.
Following Doctor’s Orders
Patient: It’s been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?
Patient: I sure did. The bottle said “keep tightly closed.”
Row row row ur boat…my way
(the music of row ur boat)
fuck fuck fuck a duck
screw a kangaroo
gang bang an orangatang
orgy at the zoo
**NiKkI ScoTt**
Title Dating Back to Its Origin
For those of you who have had to deal with governmental
agencies, this will strike a familiar and then satisfying
chord…..
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was
told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory
title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The
title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer
three months to track down.
After sending the information to the FHA, he received the
following reply (actual letter):
“Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan
application, we note that the request is supported by an
Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which
you have prepared and presented the application, we must point
out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral
proper back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it
will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):
“Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been
received. I note that you wish to have title extended further
than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was
unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly
those working in the property area, would not know that
Louisiana was purchased by the U.S. from France in 1803, the
year of origin identified in our application. For the
edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land
prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had
acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into
possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492
by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been
granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the
then reigning monarch, Isabella.
The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles,
almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the
blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund
Columbus’ expedition. Now the Pope, as I’m sure you know, is the
emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is
commonly accepted, created this world.
Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made
that part of the world called Louisiana. He, therefore, would be
the owner of origin. I hope you find His original claim to be
satisfactory. Now, may we have our loan?”
They got it.
Pretty Dress
It was that time during the Sunday morning service for “the children’s
sermon,” and all the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down,
the pastor leaned over and said to her, “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your
Easter dress?”
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, “Yes,
and my Mom says it’s a Bitch to iron.”
Dos compadres pasaban por un
Dos compadres pasaban por un callej�n y un tipo se les acerca con una jeringa dici�ndoles: “denme el dinero o les inyecto el SIDA”.
Uno de los compadres empieza a darle el dinero, pero el otro se niega, retando al asaltante: “no; iny�ctame lo que quieras, pero a m� nadie me roba.
“�Qu� hace, compadre?”, le pregunta el otro angustiado, mientras el agresor le inyecta todo el contenido de la jeringa.
Cu�ndo el delincuente se aleja, le pregunta: “�por qu� dej� que lo inyectaran, compadre?”
“No se preocupe compadre, tra�a puesto un cond�n”, le contesta el otro.
(Jaime Alejandro Arjona Tamez)
Money
Q: There are four people in a room. Father Christmas, The Easter Bunny, a dumb blonde and a smart blonde. Also in the room there is a $100 note on a table. Who takes the money?
A: The dumb blonde. The rest dont exist!