The jumbo jet is just coming into an Airport in Toronto on its final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom.”This is Capt Johnson. We’re on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today, and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto. He forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot, “Well skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto? Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation.”Well,” says the skipper, “first I’m gonna check into the hotel and take a crap. Then I’m gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know, the one with the huge tits. I’m gonna wine and dine her , take her back to my room, and shag her all night.”Everyone in the plane is trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She’s so embarrassed that she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady’s bag and down she goes. The old lady leans over and says, “No need to run, dear, he’s gotta take a shit first!”
Author: admin
Two Back Tires-…
Two Back Tires-
One day two families were at a nude beach the youngest boy and the youngest girl meet in the woods.
The boy askes the little girl “Whats that?” the little girl says “I don’t know i’ll go ask my mom.”
so she goes and askes her mom and her mom says “thats your garage don’t let anybody park there car in there.”
so the litle girl goes back and tells the boy and she askes him “whats that?” the little boy says “I don’t know i’ll go ask my dad”
His dad says “Thats your car you can park it in any garage you want.” so the little boy goes back and tells the girl.
Fifteen mins. later the girl comes up to her mom with blood on her hands her mom says “what happen?” the little girl looks at her and says
“Some boy tried to park his car in my garage so i tore off his TWO BACK TIRES.”
three daughter's
Once upon a time there was this farmer, who was raising his 3 daughters. Naturally, he was concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens, the girls began dating. On one particular evening all three girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was custom, the farmer would greet the young suitor at the door, holding a bat, not to menace or threaten but simply to ensure the young men knew who was the boss… The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, “Hi, my name’s Joe, I’m here for Flo. We’re going to the show, is she ready to go?” The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way. The next lad arrived and said, “My name’s Eddie, I’m here for Betty, we’re gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?” Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went. The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, “Hi, my name’s Chuck –” and Whack!, the farmer hit him.
Blonde and a Mosquito
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito knows when to stop sucking!
Poppa is a Brand New Bag
Yo’ daddy’s so ugly, when he looked out the window he was arrested for
mooning!
Because, that’s where you’re supposed to wash vege
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that’s where you’re supposed to wash vegetables!
Ten Best Pickup Line
1. Your body’s name must be Visa, because it’s everywhere I want to be!2. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?3. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock! 4. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you. 5. Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I’ll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I’ll do it your way.6. Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine. 7. I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room. 8. I’m new in town, could I have directions to your house. 9. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous. 10. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Yo mamma so big
yo mamma so big she can play pool with the planets
Pepito, de 5 a�os, observa
Pepito, de 5 a�os, observa a su hermano mayor Arturo, de 19 a�os, que despu�s de pedir prestado a su padre el auto para esa noche se pon�a una combinaci�n deportiva de estreno, se perfumaba y se hac�a meticulosamente la raya de su peinado.
Sospechando que se trataba de una aventura, Pepito se esconde en la parte trasera del auto y en absoluto silencio ve como Arturo va hasta una esquina donde le est� esperando una bella joven y parte con ella hasta las afueras de la ciudad donde en una zona oscura detiene el veh�culo e imperativamente le dice: “�S� o No?”
La joven, sin pensarlo dos veces, le responde categ�ricamente: “�No!”, a lo que Arturo indignado le responde: “Pues te bajas del auto y te vas caminando para tu casa.”
Al d�a siguiente Pepito toma su triciclo y va a dar la acostumbrada vuelta a la manzana y al pasar frente a casa de Susanita la invita a que se monte en la parte de atr�s, a lo que accede la ni�a y se para en la parte trasera poniendo sus manos sobre los hombros de Pepito.
Al doblar la esquina, Pepito detiene el triciclo y en forma imperativa pregunta a Susanita: “�S� o No?”, a lo que Susanita r�pidamente le resonde: “�S�!”
Pepito se queda pensando y finalmente le dice a Susanita; “Bueno, entonces sigue t� con el triciclo que yo me voy caminando para mi casa”.
What`s green
What`s green and smell`s like porc?
KERMITT THE FROG`S FINGERS!!!!!!!
Little Johnny and Susie’s Period
One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life. Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.Little Johnny’s eyes opened wide in amazement. “You know,” he said, “I’m not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!”
Whats in a drink?
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results: Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool. Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks. Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy. Drink: Mixed Drinks Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky tastes; knows exactly what she wants. Your Approach: You won’t have to approach her, if she is interested, she’ll send YOU a drink. Drink: Wine – (does not include White Zinfandel, see below) Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles. Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends. Drink: White Zinfandel Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue. Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is… this should be an easy target. Drink: Shots Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk… and naked. Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed this evening. Nothing to do but wait. However, be careful not to make her mad! Then there is the MALE addendum. The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut: Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants to get laid. Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid. Wine: He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid. Whiskey: He doesn’t give a hoot about anything but getting laid. Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress. White Zinfandel: He’s gay.