yo mamas so stupid she when she filled out aplication it sai whats your experience and she put Wheeties.
Author: admin
Knock KnockWho’s there?Cugat!Cugat who?Cugat to
Knock KnockWho’s there?Cugat!Cugat who?Cugat to love my jokes!
soooo fat
yo mama is soooo fat when her beeper went off people thought she was backing up.
The Swiss
“The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off. I’ve got the toe clippers right here.’ (Jerry Seinfeld)
The Top 13 Other Retractions Printed by the NY Times
13. “Correction: The cookie recipe in question cost $350, not $250 as previously reported.”
12. “Earlier this year, the Times mistakenly reported that software magnate Bill Gates is a money-hungry, maladapted, socially awkward loser. He is, in fact, a bloodsucking cob-nobbler. The Times regrets the error.”
11. “We wish to apologize for calling the former Australian Prime minister, Paul Keating, the lowest slime-ball in the country. We meant in THEIR country.”
10. “Due to a typographical error yesterday, we mistakenly printed the entire Wall Street Journal under our banner. It should have been the Washington Post. Sorry.”
9. “Okay, so it was a blue dress, not a red skirt. Get off our backs already!”
8. “In Thursday’s edition of the Times, we erroneously reported the stories of five people who experienced bad luck as a result of not forwarding an e-mail message…”
7. “This mistake will never happen again. We apologize to the Top 5 subscribers, contributors and the list moderator, Chris Whitewater.”
6. “Recently, pop singer George Michael was caught masturbating in a public restroom yesterday. He was not, as reported in this newspaper, actually choking a chicken.”
5. “It has come to the attention of the Times that disk jockey Fred LeFebvre of KISS-FM in Toledo was not actually the recipient of a MacArthur ‘Genius Grant.'”
4. “Evidently, there are no Klingons on Uranus after all. Sorry for the confusion.”
3. “Our article describing O.J. Simpson as ‘slashing out’ over the prospect of losing his children contained a regrettable typo…”
2. “As it turns out, the Banana Republic dictatorship is actually just a clothing store.”
1. “Miss Lewinsky did not give the President a snow job, as reported in some editions yesterday.”
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]How to kill a blonde
How do you kill a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
Anal Glaucoma
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
“What’s the matter?” he asks.
“I have a case of anal glaucoma,” she says in a weak voice.
“What the hell is anal glaucoma?”
“I can’t see my ass coming into work today.”
So poor…
Your family is so poor, they go to kentucky fried chicken to lick other
people’s fingers.
You’er so poor at Christmas your mom bought you a video tape of other kids
playing with their toys.
Your family is so poor, you have to go home and take off your clothes so
Your father can have pants to wear to work…
Your father is so poor he can’t afford to pay attention…
Your family is so poor they window shop at K-Mart
Your parents are so poor they got married for the rice.
Your familys been on welfare so long your grandpa’s face is on food stamps.
Your family is so poor, when I asked for something to eat your mother gave
me a BLT: bread, lettuce, and tomato….
Your mother is so poor I saw her on the street selling loose M&M’s.
Your family is so poor the roaches have to eat out or go hungry.
Redneck quickies 1
You might be a redneck if…More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. You think the stock market has a fence around it. You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test. You’ve ever lost a loved one to kudzu. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs. You’ve ever used lard in bed.Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. You’ve ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame
Yanke Doodle and his Mom
Yanke Doddle went too town riding on his mother every time they hit a bump he got a baby brother
Watching the game
A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter’s bedroom.
When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.
‘What are you doing?’ she exclaimed.
The daughter replied, ‘I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.’
Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.
‘What are you doing?’ he exclaimed.
The daughter replied, ‘I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.’
A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.
She asked, ‘What are you doing?’
He replied, ‘Watching the game with my son-in-law.’
The sooner you fall behind,
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up!