Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
Author: admin
Modern sloppy
Have you ever been in a teenager’s room.
They’re all done in the same style — modern sloppy.
Peter
A female teacher walked into the class and saw a giant penis realistically
depicted on the black board.
“Who did it?” she asked.
Silence.
“I demand that those who did it admit it!”
Silence.
“The last time, who did it?”
“You won, it was me,” Peter said from the last row.
“Now everybody shall leave the room except for Peter,” the teacher said.
The students walked out. Minute passed. Then five, then ten… After half an
hour, Peter walked out, and, zipping up his fly, said, “The main thing is
advertisement.”
Peck peck peck
Q: What goes “Peck, Peck, Peck, Boom”?
A: Chicken in a mine field.
The Vow
A man joining a monestary was told he was to take a vow of silence and was
only to be allowed to speak two words every five years.After the first five
years had passed he walked into the chambers of the head Monk and said “Bed
Hard”, then turned and walked out. After the next five years passed he returned
to the chambers of the head Monk and said ” Food Cold “, then turned and walked
out. After the next five years had passd he once again entered the chambers of
the head Monk and said “I Quit”. The head Monk looked at him and replied. “Well,
that doesn’t surprise me one bit, you’ve done nothing but ediot since you got
here”
Ladies first
Teacher : Correct the sentence, “A bull and a cow is grazing in the field”
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.
Teacher : How ?
Student : Ladies first.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A megasorass.
Difference between getting a divorce and getting..
Q. What’s the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A. When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!
Lesbian Fingers
Q: What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
A: Well hung!
He couldn’t pronunciate his words
Q. Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?
A. Because he was argumentary and he couldn’t pronunciate his words.
Bubbles
you want to hear somthing dirty a guy named Billy rolled around in mudd you want to hear somthing clean he took a bath wit bubbles want to hear somthing disgusting bubbles was the girl next door
Freshmen versus seniors
Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut.Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend.Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class.Freshman: Calls the professor “Teacher.”Senior: Calls the professor “Bob.”Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.Senior: Drives to class if it’s more than three blocks away.Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.Senior: Memorizes the professor’s habits to get a good grade.Freshman: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university.Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually.Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand.Freshman: Has to ask where the computer labs are.Senior: Has own personal workstation.Freshman: Lines up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first week.Senior: Starts to think about buying textbooks in October… maybe.Freshman: Looks forward to first classes of the year.Senior: Looks forward to first beer garden of the year.Freshman: Is proud of his A+ on Calculus I midtermSenior: Is proud of not quite failing his Complex Analysis midtermFreshman: Calls his girlfriend back home every other nightSenior: Calls Domino’s every other nightFreshman: Is appalled at the class size and callousness of professorsSenior: Is appalled that the campus ‘Subway’ burned down over the summerFreshman: Conscientiously completes all homework, including optional questionsSenior: Homework? I knew I forgot to do something last nightFreshman: Goes on grocery-shopping trip with Mom before moving onto campusSenior: Has a beer with Mom before moving into group houseFreshman: Is excited about the world of possibilities that awaits him, the unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the chance to expand one’s horizons and really make a contribution to societySenior: Is excited about new dryers in laundry roomFreshman: Takes meticulous four-color notes in classSenior: Occasionally stays awake for all of class