Author: admin

Blonde Astronaut?

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A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment
on sending women to different planets. First, They called the brunette in and
asked her a question.

“If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want? To go to and
why?”

After pondering the question she answered, “I would like to go to Mars,
because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra
terrestrial life on the planet.”

They said “well okay, thank you.” And told her that they would get back to
her.

Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her same
question. In reply, “I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings.”
Again, “thank you” and they would get back to her.

Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they
asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, “I
would like to go to the Sun.”

The people from NASA replied, “Why, don’t you know that if you went to the sun
you would burn to death?”

The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. “Are you Guys dumb? I’d go at
night!”

Producing a new gum

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Two men were in the process of inventing a new brand of gum. They were arguing over the fact that their new gum was too hard and brittle and didn’t have the right consistency. One of the inventors kept arguing that they simply had to add more liquid to their primary secret ingredient, code named “Yewin”.The other man argued adamantly. “No, No, No! It’s not wetter Yewin that counts… it’s how you ply the gum!”

Kinds

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There are two kinds of mathematicians:
those who can count and those who can’t.

There are two groups of people in the world;
those who believe that the world can be
divided into two groups of people,
and those who don’t.

There are two groups of people in the world:
Those who can be categorized into one of two
groups of people, and those who can’t.

Going Nuts

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A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When
the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up
nuts!” And the inmates complied by standing up. After
the anthem he yelled, “Down Nuts!” And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, “Cheer nuts!” And they all
broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot
dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in
progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.
The assistant replied, “Everything was fine until some guy walked by and
yelled, “PEANUTS!”

The Top 13 Signs Your Radio “Psychiatrist” has Posed Nude

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13. Her station’s new slogan: “More Talk, Less Clothes!”

12. Her cure for people’s fear of public speaking no longer requires any imagination.

11. Photo on her driver’s license taken by Bob Guccione.

10. Pompous elitist attitude a direct result of the camera making her look 10 lbs. heavier.

9. Her standard on-air greeting: “This is Dr. Laura, and I’m naked.”

8. Now rails on the importance of keeping all nine commandments.

7. “Hello, this is Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I am my children’s hypocritical, adulterous, boney-assed mom.”

6. Her nickname in the studio? “Dr. Bareassinger.”

5. That twirling tassel she uses for hypnosis.

4. She ends your session with, “You know, Hef has a couch just like this.”

3. Insists on being called “Dr. November 1978”

2. Keeps asking, “Does this notepad make my ass look big?”

1. Screams “How ’bout them Yankees?!” every time a caller mentions nude photos.

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]

[ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]

Barrel of Fun!

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There’s this guy who went to this camp for adults, so the owner is showing him around, and says, “You’re gonna love it here, especially the barrel behind the restrooms, when you feel the need, stick you’re dick in the hole for a blowjob.

“So the next day,the guy sees the owner, and says, “this place is great, I’m going to use that barrel everyday.”

The owner says, “Everyday except Mondays.”

“Why not on Mondays?”

The owner says, “That’s your day in the barrel.”

Clinton at the May Day parade

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The May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992’s parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had mobile ballistic missile launchers, electronic jamming vehicles, and throughout the entire time the formations were overflown by squadrons of the most advanced interceptors, fighters, and long-range tactical and strategic bombers.Clinton, who had never been this close to war in his life, was suitably impressed. Then he noticed that, way back at the end of the parade, there was a disorganized, messy bunch of men in rumpled suits tagging along behind the last artillery pieces. “Who are they?” he asked.”Ah,” said Yeltsin, “those are our economists!” “But I thought this parade was military…” said Clinton, confused.”Mr. Clinton,” said Gorbachev, “have you SEEN the damage those men can do?”

Mr. See’s Saw & Mr. Soar’s Seesaw

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Mr. See owned a saw. And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw before Soar saw See, which
made Soar sore.
Had Soar seen See’s saw before See sawed Soar’s seesaw,
See’s saw would not have sawed Soar’s seesaw.
So See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw.
But it was sad to see Soar so sore just because See’s saw
sawedSoar’s seesaw!