Seen on a bumper sticker:
Grow your own dope, plant a man.
Author: admin
Reaching the end of a job interview
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked the
hotshot young Engineer, fresh out of MIT,
“And what starting salary were you looking for?”
The engineer coolly said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending
on the benefits package.”
The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks
vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement
fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – for starters,
say, a red Corvette?”
The engineer tried to control his excitement, but sat straight up and said,
“Wow! Are you kidding?”
“Yeah,” the interviewer shrugged, “But you started it.”
The Top 13 Signs Bill Gates is Having a Mid-life Crisis
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
13> Gives his age as “39, version 5.”
12> Hires someone to purchase a sports car and pursue young bimbos.
11> Spends $6 on a new hairstyle.
10> “No, honey. I didn’t say I bought *a* Porsche…”
9> Replaced the animated paper clip Office Assistant with a Hooters waitress.
8> Grows beard and tints it gray to simulate the “look and feel” of Steven Jobs.
7> Keeps buying younger and younger companies.
6> Supermodel eggs? Pffft. Bill’s got him a six-pack of supermodels.
5> “The first rule of Microsoft Club is: Everyone Kisses My Ass In Microsoft Club!”
4> Same as everybody else: Decides to run for President.
3> Ignores his wife to spend time writing inappropriate code for a 16-year-old Apple Lisa.
2> Changed the name of his company to EnormousHard.
1> Joined the Personality Club for Men.
Yo mama
yo mama smells so bad that they think someone forgot to flush the toilet.
Pirate Joke
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?”
The pirate replies “We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”
“Wow!” said the seaman. “What about your hook”?
“Well…”, replied the pirate, “We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off.”
“Incredible!” remarked the seaman. “How did you get the eyepatch”?
“A seagull dropping fell into my eye.”, replied the pirate.
“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked incredulously.
“Well…”, said the pirate, “…it was my first day with the hook.”
Driving Irish
Irishman driving down the road, got pulled over by a policeman, the policeman said, “you’re drunk.”, the driver said, “thank god for that, I thought the steering had gone.”
Irishman driving down the road, got pulled over by a policeman, policeman said, “your wife fell out the car 5 miles back, the man replied, ” thank god for that” i’d thought i’d gone deaf!”
Tonya Skating Again
Tonya Harding donned her ice skates and competed again this week after five years. Asked why she is returning to competition after such a long layoff, Tonya said she just felt like taking another whack at it.
green fucker
What do you get when you cross a leprechan and a hooker: a
little green fucker about 1 inch big
Captains Red Shirt
Centuries ago when the Seas were ruled by pirates, there was a certain captain. One day this captain was relaxing when the lookout burst into his quarters. “Captain, pirate ship off the port bow!”
The captain then called for his first mate and said, “First mate, bring me my red shirt!” The red shirt was brought to him, they went into battle and won.
The next day the lookout again burst into the room and said, “Captain, two pirate ships closing fast!” Once again the captain called for the first mate and said, “First mate, bring me my red shirt!” The first mate brought him his red shirt and once again they won the battle.
During the celebration the first-mate asked, “Captain, why do you always ask for your red shirt when we go into battle?”
“The answer is simple. That way, if I’m injured, the crew won’t know and they won’t lose hope.”
Just then the lookout burst through the door, “Captain, ten ships closing fast!”
“First mate, bring me my brown pants!”
Gay Jokes
These jokes are so gay they turn pee-wee-hurman on
Teenage Daughters
There’s an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters…The Englishman says ” I was cleaning my daughter’s room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn’t even know she smokes”.The Scotsman says ” That’s nothing. I was cleaning my daughter’s room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn’t even know she drank.”With that the Irishman says ” Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter’s room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn’t even know she had a cock.”
The White House Press Corps.
Q: Well, then what do you call someone who sees the glass in front of him as
half empty?
A: Teddy Kennedy.