One day a little boy and his dad decide to go deer hunting.
While in the woods the father spots a deer and tells his son to
stay put and not to make any noise because he would scare the
deer away so the little boy agrees and the father moves on. All
of a sudden the father hears a scream and goes back to see what
is goin on his son is sitting there and the father asks I
thought I told you to be quiet or you would scare the deer away.
He says dad I was fine when that bear walked by and when that
snake slithered across my foot, but when those two squirrels
crawled up my pant leg and said should we take them now or later
I got a little worried.
Author: admin
$100,000
A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. I know, he says, they say ‘you can’t take it with you.’ But who knows? Suppose they’re mistaken. I’d like to have something with me, just in case. So I am giving each of you an envelope containing one hundred thousand dollars and I would be grateful if at my funeral you would put the envelopes in my coffin, so that if it turns out that it’s useful, I’ll have something. They each agree to carry out his wish. Sure enough, after just a few weeks, the old man passes away. At his funeral, each of the three advisors is seen slipping something into the coffin. After the burial, as the three are walking away together, the doctor turns to the other two and says, -Friends, I have a confession to make. As you know, at the hospital we are desperate because of the cutbacks in funding. Our CAT SCAN machine broke down and we haven’t be able to get a new one. So, I took $20,000 of our friend’s money for a new CAT SCAN and put the rest in the coffin as he asked. At this the priest says, I, too have a confession to make. As you know, our church is simply overwhelmed by the problem of the homeless. The needs keep increasing and we have nowhere to turn. So I took $50,000 from the envelope for our homeless fund and put the rest in the coffin as out friend requested. Fixing the other two in his gaze, the lawyer says, I am astonished and deeply disappointed that you would treat so casually our solemn undertaking to our friend. I want you to know that I placed in his coffin my personal check for the full one hundred thousand dollars.
Pregnant Mystery
A three year old walked over to the pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady,” why is your stomach so big?”
She replied, “Im having a baby.”
With big eyes,he asked, “Is the baby in your stomach?”
She said, “He sure is.”
Then the little boy with a puzzled look asked, “Is it a good baby?”
She said, “oh yes, its a real good baby.”
With even a more surprised and shocked look he said, “Then why in the world did you eat him?”
Yo momma
Every time your momma goes to the aquarium your momma makes the whales look skinny
Two Blondes were walking down the street….
Two Blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a compact on
the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the
mirror and said, “Hmmm, this person looks familiar.”
The second Blonde said, “Let me look!”
The first Blonde handed her the compact. The second Blonde looked in
the mirror and said, “You dumb shit, it’s me!”
No, the whole body.
Teacher : Where were you born ?
child : America
teacher : America? Which part?
Child : No, the whole body.
Yo mamas so fat
yo mamas so fat i showed her a picture of her feet and she couldnt identify them
Put Your Best Foot Forward
A science class was taking a test. The test was basically identifying birds by their feet. One student looked at the test and saw row after row of nothing but bird feet.
“That’s it! I’m outta here!” he said. He handed his blank test in to the professor.
“What’s your name young man?!” asked the professor angrily.
The student rolled up his pants, showing his feet.
“I don’t know. You tell me.”
Sven and Olie
Sven and Olie died and went to Hell. After awhile, the Devil came by to see how his new guests were doing. To his amazement, he found Sven and Olie were still wearing their winter gear and seemed to be quite comfortable. The Devil asked why they weren’t hot.
Olie replied, “We come from Minnesota where it’s always cold. This is feeling pretty good to us.” This upset the Devil, so he turned up the thermostat. Awhile later the Devil looked in again on Sven and Olie. To his surprise he found they were still wearing their winter gear. The Devil questioned them on it again. “You have to remember that we are from Minnesota and it’s very, very cold there. This is feeling nice to us.”
The Devil was even madder at this, so he turned the thermostat all the way up to maximum temperature. The Devil waited some time and then went back to Sven and Olie. This time he found they had only unzipped their coats, but still had all their winter clothes on.
The Devil couldn’t understand what was going on. The punishment down here was supposed to be the unbearable heat. It wasn’t working on these two. He had to ask again what the deal was. Sven replied, “We are Minnesotans and we just got over a freezing winter. This is really great for Olie and Me.
A light flickered in the Devil’s mind. He went to the thermostat and turned it off. He thought if the heat wasn’t a punishment, maybe he’d give them some freezing temperatures. A little while later the Devil came back to check in on Sven and Olie only to find them cheering and giving each other high fives, happier than ever! The Devil questioned them on their actions and Sven said happily, “Back home they always said, the Vikings will win the Super Bowl when Hell freezes over!!!”
Hair colors
What is the diffrence between a blonde and a redneck? Their hair color.
The first reindeer seen in a bar
One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer’s hoof. As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, “You know, I think you’re the first reindeer I’ve ever seen in here.” The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said, “Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I’m the last reindeer you’ll see in here.”
This website
This website is a joke