“I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn’t
here.” �George W. Bush, speaking at the President’s Economic Forum in Waco,
Texas.
Author: admin
Questions?
A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks, “Is God male or female?”
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds,”Well God is both male and female.”
This confuses the little boy, so he asks, “Is God black or white?”
“Well, God is both black and white.”
This further confuses the boy so he asks, “Is God gay or straight?”
At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers none the less,
“Honey, God is both gay and straight.”
At this the boy’s face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks…
“Is God Michael Jackson?”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Ida!Ida who?Ida bought
Knock KnockWho’s there?Ida!Ida who?Ida bought another knocker if I were you!
Sister, Got Milk?
There once was a 94-year-old nun in the 1890’s whose worn-out body began to
surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to
relax her.
However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined. But her
mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the
kitchen to spike the milk three times a day.
Eventually, the elderly pious one approached her final hour. As several
sisters gathered around her at bedside, the mother superior asked if she wanted
to leave them any words of wisdom.
“Oh, yes,” she replied. “Never sell that cow!”
Crook
Crook
Cada ma�ana, un mariquita (homosexual)
Cada ma�ana, un mariquita (homosexual) se presentaba en la iglesia para escuchar misa con la misma ropa chillona: Calcetines rosas, pantalones verdes, corbata amarilla chillona, chaqueta rojo fucsia, etc…
Y esto desconcentraba fuertemente al cura. Y en esto que iba a pronunciar la oraci�n pensando en la rara vestimenta del mariquita:
“Porque Jes�s, con 5000 panes y 3000 peces aliment� a 4000 personas!” dec�a convencido.
“�Toma y yo!”, gritaba el mariquita.
“�Ya me he vuelto a equivocar!”, pensaba para sus adentros el cura.
Al d�a siguiente todo se repite igual: el homosexual aparece en la iglesia con su rara ropa, se sienta en primera fila, y espera. Y el cura pronuncia las palabras:
“�Porque Jes�s, con 5000 panes y 3000 peces aliment� a 4000 personas!”
“�Toma y yo!”, saltaba el maric�n.
Y al tercer d�a, el cura antes de salir pens�: hoy no me equivoco, hoy no, hoy no…
Y dijo gritando mas que nunca:
“�Porque Jes�s, con 5 panes y 3 peces aliment� a 4000 personas! �Te jodes maric�n! �Hoy no me equivocado!”
“�Yo eso tambi�n lo hac�a!”
“�Ah s�?, �y como lo har�as?”, inquiri� el cura.
“�Joder, pues con lo que sobr� de ayer y de antes de ayer!”
zoe and kals dating tips cont
When you are going out together
1. Avoid at all costs comparing your current boyfriends faults
with your ex boyfriends good points.
2. (No offence to women) But women do have a tendency to nag,
men will always be the laid back ones who dont seem to give a
damn whether or not they see you often, whether they do or not
remains a mystery.
3. Avoid the green monster!!! (JEALOUSY!)
4. Dont nag. Discuss situations which have occured, either on
the phone or face to face, not txts or internet.
5. A texting relationship, is a dreadful relationship. This is
because everything is slang, eg I luv u? Spelt wrong, it just
dont have the same effect as when spelt properly or said with
true feeling.
6. Make sure you talk about sex issues when you feel ready for
it, dont leave things unsaid or you wont know where you stand
with each other.
7. Lads! Please try, make an effort, it doesnt exactly make a
girl feel too great when her boyfriend acts like he doesnt want
to spend quality time with her, eg time spent alone.
8. TALK SO YOUR GIRLFRIEND CAN ACTUALLY HEAR YOU!!!!!!!! (just
kidding, well it can get a ickle bit annoyin sometimes but also
sweet)
9. Give your girlfriend help when she is giving you sexual
favours, eg point out what you like best, this goes both ways
girls, were not all mind-readers you know!
10. Dont try to pressurise your boyfriend/girlfriend into doing
anything they are not sure about. It could ruin everything for
both of you. You may not think it girls, but this applies to you
too.
When the relationship has ended.
1. Do not be bitter, about anything. For example do not talk
about how your ex is small in particular departments and how
they cannot perform to certain standards.
2. Try not to check up where your ex is or who he/she is with
now.
3. Do NOT under ANY circumstances send letters, texts, emails or
anything of the sort telling your ex you still have feelings for
them. This is a VERY, VERY bad idea!!!!!
4. Second time round doesnt usually work out too great, think of
the reasons why you ended it in the first place!!! (in my case i
am trying to prove this wrong!!! It WILL work out better for me
and the current boyfriend this time round, the second, well i
bloody hope so anyway!!)
FINALLY BOTH OF YOU NEED TO TRY AND MAKE THINGS WORK. So good
luck to all of you in a relationship and we hope we have helped
you out with our youthful, but knowledgeable insight to the
world of teenage dating!!
Un individuo que viv�a en
Un individuo que viv�a en Inglaterra recibe un telegrama, el cual decia: “Pap� muri�, vuelve a casa”.
El pobre empe�a hasta el ultimo clavo para tomar el avi�n y regresar a M�xico a recibir su herencia.
Cuando llega se lleva la tremenda sorpresa de que su mam� hab�a heredado todo.
Pasan cinco meses y recibe otro telegrama: “Mam� test�, vuelve a casa”.
Empe�a todo y vuelve a viajar para cobrar ahora s�, su herencia.
Al llegar a reclamar la herencia, la familia le dice:
“�De qu� hablas?, el telegrama dec�a: M�mate esto, se vuelve a casar.”
Cherry blossem and billy
there was once a lady she was deaf she moved houses she asked her neighbours what shall i call the house they said cherry blossem
she thought they said hairy bottom.she had a son she asked the neighbours what shall i call him they said billy she thought they said willy.then she saidto them i looked through my hairy bottom but i didnt find my willy
Too Much Coffee
You know you’ve had too much coffee when…
You can type sixty words a minute with your feet
Instant coffee takes too long
You chew on other people’s fingernails
You answer the door, before people knock
You sleep with your eyes open
You go to sleep, just so you can wake up and smell the coffee
You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore
You’re the employee of the month at Starbucks and you don’t even work there
You help your dog chase its tail
You lick your coffeepot clean
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee
You’re so wired you pick up FM radio
You have a picture of your coffee mug, on your coffee mug!
A grasshopper walks into a bar
A grasshopper walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bar tender turns to the grasshopper and says ” hey, you know we have a drink named after you?” The grasshopper responds “why in the heck do you have a drink named Bob?”Chris
Top 10 Viagra Slogans
10. Viagra, it’s “Whaazzzzz Up!”
9. Viagra, the quicker pecker upper.
8. Viagra, like a rock!
7. Viagra, when it absolutely, positively has to be there
tonight.
6. Viagra, be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, reach out and touch someone
4. Viagra, strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!
3. Viagra, tastes great! More filling!
2. Viagra, we bring good things to life!
And the number one slogan being considered by Viagra:
1. This is your penis… This is your penis on drugs.