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Quiz
This quiz has been around since we were kids. Remember the
answers?
1. If a plane crashed on the border of the USA and Canada, where
should the survivors be buried?
2. How many species of each animal did Moses take aboard the ark?
3. How many months have 28 days?
4. How far can a bear walk into the woods?
5. What is the value of coin dated 24 B.C.?
6. How many grooves does a 45rpm phonograph record have?
7. A camper leaves her camp, hikes 1 mile south, then 1 mile
east where she sees a bear. Then she hikes 1 mile north to
arrive at her camp. What color is the bear?
8. If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof , will the egg
roll to the left side or to the right side?
9. If a south bound electric train is traveling at a rate of 66
miles per hour and the wind is blowing to the north at 35
miles per hour, which way will the smoke blow?
10. On which side of a chicken are the most feathers?
ANSWERS:
1. You don’t bury survivors.
2. Moses didn’t have an Ark, Noah did.
3. All twelve of them.
4. Half way, then he is walking out of the woods.
5. Nothing, a coin could not be dated BC.
6. One (spiraling) on each side.
7. The camp must be at the north pole, therefore the bear is
white.
8. Roosters don’t lay eggs, chickens do.
9. Electric trains don’t blow smoke.
10. The outside.
Dress Code
A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn’t have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk.
In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, “Well, OK, I guess you can come in – just don’t start anything.”
Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
Un tipo que estaba a
Un tipo que estaba a punto de morir pensaba: “Creo que en esta vida he sido muy malo y San Pedro seguramente no me dejar� entrar al cielo; ya s�, cuando vaya a presentarme donde San Pedro le llevar� un saco lleno de nances para sobornarlo y as� me dejar� entrar”.
Entonces un �ngel oy� el vil pensamiento de aquel hombre y fue y lo acus� con San Pedro.
Cuando al tipo le lleg� la hora de presentarse ante San Pedro �ste ya sab�a de su plan y le dijo: “Ahora por haber pensando en sobornarme en castigo te pondr� que te metas todos esos nances uno por uno por el culo.”
Por all� estaba el pobre hombre detr�s de una nube meti�ndose los nances, cuando ve al �ngel que lo hab�a acusado cagado de risa. Y entonces el mae le dice: “Claro pendejo, como no eres t� el que est�s en esto te cagas de risa.”
A lo que el �ngel le contesta: “Yo no me estoy riendo de t�, me r�o porque all� veo venir a otro con un saco lleno de cocos.”
Stuck on the John
A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to varnish the toilet seat. After he finished, he headed to the kitchen to raid the refrigerator. The wife comes home sooner than expected, and heads to the bathroom, sits down and gets the toilet seat stuck to her rear. She becomes upset and in a panic shouts to her husband to drive her to the doctor.She puts on a large overcoat to cover the stuck seat, and off they go. When they get to the doctor’s office, the man lifts his wife’s coat to show their predicament. The man asked, “Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before ?””Well, yes.” The doctor replied.”But never framed.”
Todal leanth
Dale Earnheart, Jeff Gordon, Tony Sterut was all trying to get into a strip joint. But the bouncer wouldn’t let them so they said who they were and the bouncer said that if their dicks added up to 13 inches he would let them in. So Dale was 5.
Tony was 6.
And Jeff was 2.
So the bouncer let them in. As they was going in Jeff said,” Thankfuly I had a hard one on.”
Bush announced
“President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that
democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a
good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can’t
even get this in Florida.”
Termite Fun. Yep, Te
What did the termite say when he walked into the bar? Where is the bar tender?
COOL JOKE
Q:WHY WAS TIGGER LOOKING IN THE TOILET?
A:HE WAS LOOKING FOR POOH
Daddy Longlegs
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a daddy longlegs.” her father answered.
“So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied.
“Both of them are daddy longlegs,”
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.
“Well, we’re not having THAT sort of shit in our garden.”
The 9 Types of Girlfriends
1) Ms. Nice Gal – ‘Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn’t have’ Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly Disadvantages: May wise up someday2) Old Yeller – ‘You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can’t you see you’re making me miserable??’ Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell Advantages: Pays attention to you Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans3) Sickly – ‘Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite’ Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy Advantages: Predictable Disadvantages: Contagious4) The Bosser – ‘Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don’t give me that look.’ Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom Advantages: Often right Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?5) Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied – ‘I just can’t decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?’ Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c’mon Honey Advantages: Easily soothed Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed6) Wild Woman out of Control – ‘I’ve got an idea. Lez get drunk an’ make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S’fun.’ Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs7) Huffy – ‘I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at’ Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you Disadvantages: You will have no friends8) Woman from Mars – ‘I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship’ Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud9) Ms. Dreamgirl – ‘I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now’ Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you