How do you keep a moron busy?
Look below.
How do you keep a moron busy?
Look above.
Author: admin
Yo Mama’s So Fat… Army
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she joined the army and the soldier said head for the
trenches, they all jumped in her butt crack!
Alcoholic Side-Effec
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an a-hole. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can’t remember). WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuem, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear”. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
Multiple O’s
When God was creating the human race, he lined up all the males on one side and all the females opposite. Then he asked, “Which of your species would like to urinate standing up?”Well, the males went crazy, shouting that they wanted to pee standing up.”Fine”, says God, “Women get multiple orgasms”
Do you know how…
A man walked up to a farmer’s house, and knocked on the door. When the farmer’s wife opened the door, the man asked if she knew how to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door.
Again, the man knocked, and again, he asked the same question. Again, she slammed the door and screamed, “Get the hell away!”
Later, she told her husband of the incident. He said he would stay home the following day just in case.
Sure enough, the next day the same man returned. The husband hid with his gun while his wife answered the door. When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex she said, “Yes!”
The man replied, “Great! Give some to your husband the next time you see him, and tell him to keep away from my wife!”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Stan!Stan who?Stan back
Knock KnockWho’s there?Stan!Stan who?Stan back or I’ll shoot!
The Lady and The She
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. Although she wasn�t familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the boat. She rowed out a short distance, anchored, and returned to reading her book. Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up along side her and said, �Good morning, Ma�am. What are you doing?� �Reading my book�, she replied�as she thought to herself, �Isn�t it obvious�? �You�re in a restricted fishing area,� he informed her. �But officer, I�m not fishing. Can�t you see that?� �Yes, but you have all the equipment. I�ll have to take you in and write you up.� �If you do that, I�ll have to charge you with rape�, snapped the irate woman. �But, I haven�t even touched you,� groused the sheriff. �Yes, that�s true,� she replied, �but you do have all the equipment.� MORAL: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read.
Chicken bone
A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the South. She orders the chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone.Buford Buck’s 2 country boys in the next booth notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out she starts spewing up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck “You’re right, that hind-lick manoeuvre works like a charm.”
Two whales, a male and female, are swimming…
Two whales, a male and female, are swimming off the coast of Japan when the
male whale looks up and sees the whaling ship that killed his father 5 years
ago. Excited at the opportunity to avenge his father’s death, the male whale
says to the female “Let’s go underneath the ship and blow air through our blow
holes. That ought to knock their boat over, and make them think twice about
killing innocent whales.” The female whale agrees, and the plan
works perfectly. Once the whaling ship has completely sunk, the male whale
notices that most of the sailors are making their way back to the shore by
either swimming or in lifeboats. Not willing to let them get away so easily,
the male whale yells “They’re going to shore – Let’s go gobble them up!” Just
then, the female whale becomes less cooperative: “HEY!”, she says, “I agreed
to the blow job, but there is NO WAY I’m swallowing seamen!”
Llega un hombre con una
Llega un hombre con una media puesta en la cabeza a un banco de de semen, saca una pistola y dice:
“�Quietos todos, esto es un asalto!”
Y la encargada le dice:
“�Pero si esto es un banco de semen!”
“Bueno, mmmm.., entonces saque todo el semen que tenga y echelo en ese bote.”
Cuando la encargada termina de hacerlo, el hombre le dice:
“�B�betelo todo!”
“Pero, �c�mo me lo voy a beber todo?”
“Que se lo beba o la pego un tiro.”
“Pero…”
“�Que se lo beba he dicho!”
“Vale vale, no se ponga nervioso.”
“Despu�s de que la mujer ha terminado de beb�rselo el hombre se quita la media de la cabeza y le dice:
“Ves, Mar�a, como cuando quieres te lo bebes.”
Clouds are high flying fogs.
Clouds are high flying fogs.
Being Poisoned!
Man goes to see the Rabbi.”Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.”The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.”The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?”The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?”The Rabbi then offers, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.”A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for over three hours. You want my advice?”The man anxiously says, “Yes.””Take the poison,” says the Rabbi.