Yo mama’s house is so dusty the roaches ride around in dune buggies.
Author: admin
How do you write zero
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
If you do what you
If you do what you have always done,
You will get what you have always gotten.
Wounded in the woods
Having trouble with the doctor’s notes on an emergency case which read, “Shot
in the lumbar region,” the poor girl was flustered and at her wit’s end. At last
she thought she had it figured out and brightened up as she typed up the record,
“Wounded in the woods.”
what do u not
what do u not want to call a black person it begins with a n and
ends with a r
neighbor cuz u don’t want them to steal ne thing
A quote on marriage
Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe?
canadians
How many average canadians does it take to change a light bulb? 7
One to stand on a table to push the light bulb up,
Four to spin the table clockwise,
One to run counterclockwise to make sure the table movers don’t
get dizzy,
And one to keep the window open for some curent
The CIA had an opening for an assassin
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the
background checks, interviews, and testing were done there
were three finalists � two men and one woman. For the final
test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal
door and handed him a gun. �We must know that you will follow your
instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find
your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.�
The first man said.�You can�t be serious. I could never
shoot my wife,�. The agent replies, �Then you�re not the right man for this
job.”
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the
gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five
minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. �I
tried, but I can�t kill my wife.� The agent replies, �You
don�t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.�
Finally, it was the woman�s turn. Only she was told to kill
her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots
were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming,
crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all
was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the
woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, �You
guys didn�t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I
had to beat him to death with the chair.�
It is once
It is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully).NOMINEE No.2 [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, of Alamo,Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what. police described as a “farm-type truck.” Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Bums hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns’ clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns “wrapped in the drive shaft.”
Sex With Gorilla
A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem: she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals’ cages. Now Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasn’t very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Perhaps they could entice Mike to satisfy the female gorilla.
So he was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500. He responded that he was interested but would have to think the matter over.
The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions: “First,” he said, “I don’t want to have to kiss her,” and “Second, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union.”
The zoo administration quickly acceded to these conditions, but what could be the third?
“Well,” said Mike, “You’ve gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks.”
Wife Started Playing
Maurie was not having a good day on the golf course. After he missed a twelve inch putt, his partner asked him what the problem was.”It’s the wife” said Maurie.” As you know, she’s taken up golf, and since she’s been playing, she’s cut my sex down to once a week”.”Well you should think yourself lucky” said his partner.”She’s cut some of us out altogether!”
Great truths about life.
1. Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.
2. There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.
3. Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
4. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere…and let the air out of their tires.
5. Families are like fudge…mostly sweet with a few nuts.
6. Middle age is when you choose cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
7. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
8. If you can remain calm, you don’t have all the facts.
9. Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day.
10.You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.