Q: Superman, A Priest, and a smart blonde jump off a bridge. Who hits the bottom first?
A: The priest. There is no such thing as superman or a smart blonde.
Author: admin
Where is God
In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wit’s end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys.
The father replied, “Sure, do that before I kill them!”
The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.
The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat behind.
For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, “Where is God?”
The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.
Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, “Where is God?”
Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy’s nose, and asked, “Where is God?”
The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief.
He finally said, “We are in BIG trouble!”
The older boy asked, “What do you mean, BIG trouble?”
His brother replied, “God is missing and they think we did it.”
Blonde barn chase
a blonde a brunette and a redhaed are running from the cops.Finally the cops surrond them in a barn. So the brunette jumps in next to the cows, the redhead jumps in next to the chickens, and the blonde jumps into a sack of potatoes….so then the police go to the cows and ask “is anyone here?” So the brunette says “mooo…” Then the redhead goes to the chickens and askes “is anyone here?” So the redhead says “cluck cluck cluck…” But then the police get yo the sack of potatoes and ask “is anyone here?” And so the blonde says”p-o-t-a-t-o-e”…lol..
A Single Woman’s Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep. Please don’t send me no more creeps. Please just send me one good man. One without a wedding band.
One good man who’s sweet as pie. Who brushed his teeth and doesn’t lie. Who dresses neat and doesn’t smell. And is sexy like my man Denzel. Is super-rich like Michael J. On second thought, that’s okay.
Man, if I should die before I wake, That would truly take the cake; No matrimony or honeymoon. No fancy reception planned for June. No throwing of the wedding bouquet. Please, God, don’t let me go out that way.
If I die before I meet Mr. Right I won’t go out without a fight. But then again with my luck, He’d probably be just some schmuck.
The single life is not that bad I know it’s just a passing fad. I won’t be blue. I will not frown. Besides, I like my toilet seat down. No more makeup, won’t comb my hair. So never mind this stupid prayer.
Disco
Why did the skeleton go to the disco?
He heard it was a hip joint.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Leaf
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.
“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered: “I think it’s Adam’s suit!”
Frog and rat in bar
A guy walks into a bar. He tells the bartender he has no money, but in exchange for a beer he’ll show him a trick he’ll never forget. The bartender shakes his head but goes ahead and gives the man a beer. The guy takes a rat out of one pocket and a frog out of another. The rat scurries over to the bar’s piano and plays a tune. The frog belts out the song in perfect harmony with the rat’s piano playing. A few minutes later another man walks over and offers the customer $100 for the frog. He instantly accepts, and gives the other man the frog. “Are you nuts?” the bartender asks. “That frog could be worth a fortune to you.” “Don’t be so sure,” the customer says. “The rat’s a ventriloquist.”
You know you are a loser
You know you are a loser when during masturbation you yell out
your own name “Oh, Oh Lou…. I mean Pamela, Pamela, Pamelou Lou”
A little insurance
A son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer. The father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it.While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS. When the friends leave the son asks, ”Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?”The father replies, ”I don’t want them screwing your mother after I’m gone!
Stupid girls!
There is three girls who are dead and they’re waiting to get into heaven. Well the man at the gates said, ” there was a shootout down on thirty fourth street and we have to send a few people down to he**.Plus, you girls’ records are toooooooo clean, if you can go back to earth and do the worst thing possible in 6 hours, i will let all of you in.” with that they were sent back down to earth and they only had 5 hrs and 55 min to do the worst thing possible. The first girl robbed the bank on 33rd street and the second girl killed her father. when they went back up to heaven the man asked them what they did the first girl replyed, ” i robbed the bank on 33rd street.” so he let her drink the holy water and go into heaven. Next he asked the second girl what she did and she replyed, “i killed my father.” The man was blown away but he let her drink the water and go into heaven. Last he asked the remaining girl what she did and she said, “I peed in the holy water.”
Takeaway the blanket
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the brunette, “Jump! Jump! It’s your only chance to survive!”
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
“C’mon! Jump! You gotta jump!” say the firemen to the redhead.
“Oh no! You’re gonna pull the blanket away!” says the redhead.
“No! It’s brunettes we can’t stand! We’re OK with redheads!”
“OK,” says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, “Jump! You have to jump!”
“No way! You’re just gonna pull the blanket away!” yelled the blonde.
“No! Really! You have to jump! We won’t pull the blanket away!”
“Look,” the blonde says. “Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you’re not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it…”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by curtis and yisman
Miss Piggy
Why does miss Piggy douche with honey??Cause Kermit likes sweet and sour pork!! lol