Author: admin

Two midgets split a lottery ticket and end up winning the jackpot.

To celebrate, they get two hookers and adjoining motel rooms.

That night, the first midget sits on the bed, staring at the girl, but he has no idea of what to say or do.

The situation gets worse by the sounds he hears coming from next door: “Unh! Oh! Unh! Oh!

The next morning, the first midget walks dejectedly to breakfast. “Last night was terrible,” he admits to his friend. “I didn’t know what to say to the hooker.”

“You think that’s bad.” the second one says, “I couldn’t even get up on the bed!”

Submitted by ���rt��
Edited by calamjo

Una vez un tipo extremadamente racista estaba en un bus bastante ocupado. El asiento a su lado estaba libre. Al llegar a la siguiente parada el hombre ve a una negra de 220 kilos con pelos debajo de los brazos, dos metros de estatura, llena de sudor. El hombre sin pensarlo dos veces pone un peri�dico en el asiento de al lado.

La negra se sube y el hombre le dice que el asiento est� ocupado pero �sta le arrebata el peri�dico se lo lanza y toma asiento.

El hombre, lleno de rabia, se tapa la cara con el peri�dico y empieza a refunfu�ar: “�NEGRA, SUCIA, HEDIONDA, PELUDA, SUDADA, COCHINA…!”

La mujer le toca un hombro interrumpi�ndolo y le dice: “Si lo que est�s haciendo es un crucigrama sin duda alguna la respuesta es CUCA.”

There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide. The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end. The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement. The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repsitioned to pick up another pole. This went on several times when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn’t measure the poles while they were laying on the ground? The Aggies replied, “we need to know how tall the poles are, not how long”.

TEST:
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DO NOT SKIP AHEAD. Read this message ONE LINE AT A TIME and just do what it says. You will be glad you did. If not, you’ll feel like an idiot and wish you had listened.
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1) pick a number from 1-9
2) subtract 5
3) multiply by 3
4) square the number (multiply by the same number — not square root) and if it’s negative make it positive.
5) add the digits until you get only one digit (i.e. 64=6 4= 10= 1 0=1)
6) if the number is less than 5, add five. Otherwise subtract 4.
7) multiply by 2
8) subtract 6
9) map the digit to a letter in the alphabet 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, etc…
10) pick a name of a country that begins with that letter
11) take the second letter in the country name and think of a mammal that begins with that letter
12) think of the color of that mammal

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DO NOT SCROLL DOWN UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE ALL OF THE ABOVE

Here it comes, NO CHEATING or you’ll be sorry…
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You have a grey elephant from Denmark!

Un hombre y una mujer que no se conoc�an, coinciden en el mismo compartimiento de coche cama de un tren. A pesar de la obvia incomodidad que provoca la situaci�n, y de las protestas de la mujer ante el guardia del tren, quien le explica que el convoy va lleno y no dispone de otro camarote, ambos finalmente ocupan el camarote y sus respectivas literas, el hombre en la superior y ella en la inferior. A media noche el hombre despierta a la mujer y le dice:

“Lamento molestarla pero tengo un fr�o tremendo, �podr�a alcanzarme una de las mantas que est�n apiladas junto a la puerta?”

La mujer se asoma entre las cortinas de la litera y gui��ndole el ojo a su compa�ero de camarote le dice:

“Tengo una idea mejor, s�lo por esta noche supongamos que estamos casados… �te gustar�a?”

El hombre, sin poder creer lo que oy�, exclama:

“�Pero claro, mi vida, claro!”

Y la mujer responde:

“�Pues entonces… b�jate y agarrala tu, pinche huev�n!”