Roscoe and his friend went moose hunting every year without success.Finally, they came up with what they hoped was a foolproof plan. They acquired a very authentic moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then jump out of the costume and shoot the bull.Setting themselves upon the edge of a clearing in their costume, they began to give the moose “call o’love”. Before too long their call was answered by a bull moose some distance away. They called again, and the bull answered from somewhere closer. Again they called, and again the bull answered. Soon he came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.As the bull’s pounding hoofbeats got closer, the friend in the front said, “O.K.! Lets get out and shoot him!”After a moment that seemed like an eternity Roscoe who’s in the rear half of the costume shouted, “THE ZIPPER IS STUCK! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?”The friend in the front replied, “Well, I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to start nibbling grass, but you better brace yourself.”
Author: admin
Q: How many post-doctoral
Q: How many post-doctoral fellows does it take to change a lightbulb?A: One, but it’ll probably take three or four tries to get it right because he/she will probably give it to the technician to do.
Jonny get the goods
Little Johnny was walking down the road one day and an old man was sitting on his front porch rocking back and forth in his rocking chair. The old man said, ‘Whatcha got there, son?’ Johnny said, ‘Got me some chicken wire.”Whatcha gonna do with that chicken wire, son?’ asked the old man.’Gonna catch me some chickens,’ said Johnny.’You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire,’ said the oldster.Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and walked on down the street. About half an hour later, Johnny came back passing the old man’s front porch with three chickens entangled in the chicken wire. The old man was shocked and couldn’t believe his eyes.A little later Johnny passed the old man’s porch. ‘Whatcha got now, son?”Got me some duct tape.”And whatcha gonna do with that duct tape?’ the old man asked.’Gonna catch me some ducks.”You can’t catch ducks with duct tape,’ said the old man. Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and kept on walking.About half an hour later, back comes Johnny with three ducks tangled in the duct tape. Again, the old man rubbed his eyes in disbelief.Half an hour later, Johnny was again passing the old man’s porch. ‘Whatcha got now, son?’ asked the old codger.’Got me some pussy willow.’The old man said, ‘Wait right there while I get my shoes!’
The first Irish National Steeplechase
The first Irish National Steeplechase was finally abandoned. Not one horse
could get a decent footing on the cathedral roof.
Helping the boss
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 pm when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.”Listen,” said the CEO, “this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?”Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.”Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”
Jesus Puerto Rican?
Q: Why wasn’t JESUS born in Puerto Rico ?????????
A: Because they couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
Whose Job Is It?
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done, and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
Christian Bear
One Sunday, a priest decided to skip church and go hunting in the nieghbooring forest. So while he was hunting he saw a gigantic grizzly bear the had stopped to get honey from a beehive. The priest thought the bear was good game, so he clumsily shot at it, and he missed. The bear, startled by the shot, jumped up and started charging at the priest. The priest used his only option: he dropped to his knees and prayed. “Dear God,” he said, “Please let this bear be a good christian, a better one than I was.” As the bear drew closer, is dropped to its knees and said, “Dear God, thank you for this meal I am about to receive.”
The Broccoli Defense
If you recall, when George Bush was President, he banned broccoli at formal dinners: ‘When I was a little boy I hated broccoli, and I said, ‘When I’m President of the United States, I won’t have to eat broccoli!”Well, Clinton should use the Broccoli Defense: ‘When I was in college and couldn’t get laid, I said, ‘When I’m President of the United States…”
Difficult to spread
Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
dust farter
You’re so old that you fart dust.
jokes
The Little Boy Who Was Stomping
One day, a little boy, was outside in the backyard stomping on honeybees.
When his father came out and saw what the little boy was doing, he made him stop right away and told the little boy, “That’s it for you. No honey for a week.”
Well, then the little boy went to the front yard of the house and started stomping on butterflies. When his father saw what Teddy was doing, he made him stop right away and said, “Stomping on butterflies is a terrible thing to do. Just for that, no butter for a week.”
After that, little boy and his father went into the kitchen and saw the little boy’s mother stomping on cockroaches.
The little boy turned to his father and said, “Should I tell her or should you?”