your momma so poor when she went to kfc she ordered the bucket on th roof
Author: admin
Mathimatical Proof that Girls are Evil
First we state that girls require time and money, so
Girls = Time x Money
As we also know that “Time is Money”
Time = Money
Therefore
Girls = Money x Money = Money^2 (“^” indicates an exponent)
And since “Money is the root of all evil,”
Money = *Evil* (* = a sqaure root)
Therefore
Girls = (*Evil*)^2
And we are forced to conclude that
Girls = Evil
You might be a Redneck if..
Your family tree does not fork.
Guiness and women
This is very upsetting for you guys. Research scientists at Guinness suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption after considering the results of a recent analysis, which had revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed eight pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100 percent of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
Kenny the Rooster
Well, Kenny the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he’d be worth it. So, he buys Kenny. The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk. I want you to pace yourself now. You’ve got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I’ll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun,” the farmer said, with a chuckle. Kenny seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward the Hen house and Kenny took off like a shot. WHAM!-Kenny nails every hen in the hen house- three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Kenny is in there. Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again – WHAM! He gets all the geese. By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won’t even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Kenny on his back, stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, “Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you’ve done to yourself.” Kenny opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, “Shhh, they’re getting closer”.
You Know Your Ugly When . . .
You know your ugly when . . .
Your dog humps your leg with its eyes closed.
Irish Bar Fight
“My God! What happened to you?” the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.”I got in a tiff with Riley.””Riley? He’s just a wee fellow,” the barkeep said, surprised. “He must have had something in his hand.””Aye, that he did,” Kelly said. “A shovel it was.””Dear Lord! Didn’t you have anything in YOUR hand?””Aye, that I did – Mrs. Riley.” Kelly said. “She gave me her purse, but it wasn’t much use in a fight!”
Does ‘virgin wool’ come from
Does ‘virgin wool’ come from sheep the shepherd hasn’t caught yet? If the front of your car says ‘DODGE’, do you really need a horn? What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Forgive Me, Father
This man goes to confession and says, “Forgive me father for I have sinned.”
The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies that he
used the “F-word” over the weekend. The priest says, “Oh okay, just say three
Hail Marys and try to watch your language.
The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the “F-word”.
The priest sighs and tells him to continue. Well father I played golf on Sunday
with my buddies instead of going to church. The priest says, “And you got upset
over that and swore?” The man replied, “No, that wasn’t why I swore. On the
first tee I duck-hooked my drive well left into the trees.” The priest said,
“And that’s when you swore.”
The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, “No,
it wasn’t. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce
and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit the ball, a
squirrel ran by and grabbed my ball and scurried up a tree.” The priest asked,
“Is that when you said the ‘F-word’?”
The man replied, “No, because an eagle then flew by and caught the squirrel in
its sharp talons and flew away.”
The priest let out a breath and queried, “Is that when you swore?”
The man replied, “No, because the eagle flew over the green and the dying
squirrel let go of my golf ball and it landed within 5 inches of the hole.”
The priest screamed, “Don’t tell me you missed the f***ing putt!!!”
vampire lesbians
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?. Same time next month?.
The Violator
Judge: Well, Tawanda, as I understand the charges, your man, Tyrone came home drunk the other night and violated you. And you want him put away for a while.Tawanda: Not exactly, your Honor. He did as you say, but then he’d done that many times before. This time, when he was done violating me, he went and grabbed little Annie with the glasses and violated her!Judge: Oh, I see. I guess that would be the last straw!Tawanda: Oh, no your Honor. He’d done that twice before, also. The last straw was when he put little Annie’s glasses on his violator and said, “Look around big boy and see if you missed anybody!”
Lay you or Jack off
Two managers are going over their budget for the next year.
After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane.
They go back and forth but can’t decide who to lay off.
Finally, one manager decides that they lay off the first person who gets up from their desk.
In the meantime, Jane is hard at work but suddenly gets a headache. She gets some aspirin from her desk drawer and gets up from her desk to get some water.
One of the managers gets up to break the bad news to Jane.
Manager: “Jane, I need to talk to you. I’ve got a problem. I either need to lay you or Jack off…”
Jane: “Well, Jack off. I’ve got a headache.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo