This black dude gets home and he’s strutting around the house all big and bad.
His wife says, “Whachu strutting around fer like you is someone?”
The black dude says, “The doctor say I is impotent, and if you is impotent, you gots to act impotent!”
Author: admin
The BMW and the gate!
A kid once asked his Mommy ..what is that? pointing to her private part , she relpied thats the gate!
The other day he asked another silly question to his Father, Whats that Daddy? poiting to his private part , he said…thats the BMW ..my dear son!
Later that night, the kid couldnt sleep and kindly ask to join them in bed…
Both parents said sure, jump in but dont look under the blanket!
The kid decided to see whats under the Blanket…and he yelled out
“MOMMY, MOMMY ..open the Gate,the BMW coming!”
The Three Irishmen
One day three blondes were in a car and they were going to Paultons Park.They were following the signs which all said Paultons forward. But then they saw a sign and it said PAULTONS LEFT so they turned round and went home.
Blonde And A 747
What’s the difference between a Blonde and a 747?
A Blonde’s got a bigger cockpit!
Hilarious Things
What do Michael Jackson and Wal-Mart have in common?
They both have boys pants off.
Fun to do during an exam
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. . . sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
Little boy
one DAY this boy asked his dad ” what is politics?” his dad replied “ok ill put it this way : im the president /your mom is the vice president /the maid is the world/ and your the people”….so the boy goes tobed thinking about what his dad had said.. he woke up i the middle of the night and had to go to the batheroom he went into his parents room but his mom is asleep so he walks to the maids room but the door is locked he peeks in the key hole and sees his dad in bed with the maid… SO THE BOY GOES TO BED WITH OUT GOING TO THE BATHEROOM THE NEXT MORNING HIS DAD ASKS” SO DID YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAID” THE BOY REPLIES ” YEP” DAD SAYS “TELL ME “THE BOY SAYS”WELL I FOUND OUT THAT THE PRESIDENT IS FUCKING THE WORLD WHILE THE VICE PRESIDENT IS ASLEEP,AND THE PEOPLE ARE IN DEEP SHIT.
Two dwarfs
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of “Here I come again …ONE, TWO, THREE…UUH!” all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, “How did it go?”
The first mutters, “It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn’t get a hard on.”
The second dwarf shook his head. “You think that’s embarrassing?”
“I couldn’t even get on the f…ing bed!!!”
Condom Size Tester
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
“What size?” asks the clerk?
“Gee, I don’t know.”
“Go see Sophie in aisle 4.” He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the
crotch, and yells, “Medium!” The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and
leaves quickly.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4.
Sophie grabs him and yells, “Large!” The guy struts over to the register, pays,
and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
“What size?” The kid embarrassedly says “I’ve never done this before. I don’t
know what size.” The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him
and yells “Clean up in aisle 4!”
Limos and Garages
One day in a kindergarten class, a young boy went up to a girl,
pulled down his pants and asked, “What’s this?” and the little
girl said that she didnt know. Then later that day she went up
to him and pulled her pants down and asked, “What’s this?” and
the little boy said that he didnt know. That day after school
each child went home. When the little boy got home he pulled
down his pants and asked his brother, “Whats this?” his brother
replies, “That is your limo. You can park it in any garage you
want to.” Satisfied with the answer, the little boy went to his
room. At the same time at the little girl’s house she pulled
down her pants and asked her sister, “What this?” and her sister
told her, “That is your garage. Dont let ANY limo park in it.”
Satisfied, the little girl went to her room. The next day in
class the boy went over to the little girl, pulled down his
pants and said, “My big brother said that this is my limo and I
can park it in ANY garage I want to.” The little girl pulled her
pants down and said, “Well, my sister told me this is my garage
and I cant let ANY limos park in it.” When the little girl went
home, her hands were all bloody. Her sister asked her what
happened and the little girl said, “A limo tried to get into my
garage, and I pulled its front wheels off.”
What Things On Your Resume Really Mean
I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS: I’m usually on Prozac. When I’m
not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL
SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.
I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I’ve used Microsoft
Office.
I’M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.
MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don’t ask me about all the
McJobs I’ve had.
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.
I’M BALANCED AND CENTERED: I’ll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the
lunch room.
I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR: I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them
badly.
I’M PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
I’M WILLING TO RELOCATE: As I leave San Quentin, anywhere’s better.
I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer.
MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS: You’re probably looking for
someone more experienced.
I AM ADAPTABLE: I’ve changed jobs a lot.
I AM ON THE GO: I’m never at my desk.
I’M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED: The minute I find a better job, I’m outta
there.
I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING: I’m a college drop-out.
I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS: I’ve been accused of sexual harassment.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION: Wait! Don’t throw me away!
I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON: Like, I’m gonna hold my breath
waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me
luck in my future career.
Perfil psicol�gico de los h�roes
Perfil psicol�gico de los h�roes televisivos:
Batman: Un tipo millonario que vive con un joven que no es de su familia. Viste de mo�o durante el d�a. Su pasatiempo es salir a pelear, por las noches, ataviado con ropa ce�ida al cuerpo y medias de mujer. Cada vez que se le acerca una mujer, sale despavorido con la excusa de mantener en secreto su otra identidad.
Perfil psicol�gico: Maric�n, con personalidad m�ltiple y tendencias sadomasoquistas.
Superman: Otro que se viste con medias; adem�s, vuela y se cambia de ropa en casetas de tel�fonos p�blicos en plena luz del d�a. Tambi�n manifiesta reacciones ante qu�micos verdes (kriptonita verde) y la neutraliza con otro qu�mico rojo (kriptonita roja). Le huye a una bella mujer que lo persigue.
Perfil psicol�gico: Homosexual, exhibicionista y f�rmaco dependiente.
El incre�ble Hulk: Doctor en qu�mica y en medicina y sabe Dios en que m�s, que cuando se enoja se vuelve incontrolable y lo rompe todo. Adem�s, las sustancias que ha consumido lo ponen verde. Tambi�n fomenta el consumismo de prendas de vestir, ya que cada vez que se transforma hace pedazos la ropa que lleva puesta.
Perfil psicol�gico: Doble personalidad, drogadicto, psic�pata agresivo y esquizofr�nico.
Pedro Picapiedra: Personaje que no puede llegar a casa sin gritarle a su mujer; con un apetito que le permite comer cosas que pesan m�s que su familia entera. Constantemente abusa de su ‘mejor amigo’ solamente porque aquel es enano. Perdedor por naturaleza y con un jefe que abusa de �l como si no existieran leyes laborales.
Perfil psicol�gico: Perfecto fracasado, egoc�ntrico; con un alto nivel de inseguridad y potencial golpeador.
Popeye: Un marinero con un solo ojo que se la pasa peleando por el amor de una mujer que, adem�s de que es flaca y fea, le pone los cuernos con su archienemigo Brutus y, adem�s, cada vez que est� en problemas recurre al uso de una yerba milagrosa que muchas veces la consume a trav�s de su siempre presente pipa.
Perfil psicol�gico: T�pico cornudo, drogadicto y man�aco-depresivo
Shaggy (amigo de Scooby Doo): Un tipo cobarde y amanerado, que se pasa todo el d�a comiendo y con golosinas, y no engorda ni un gramo; adem�s, su perro le habla.
Perfil psicol�gico: Maric�n, bul�mico, anor�xico (o ambos) y delirante.
Bugs Bunny: Conejo bastante inteligente que, para salir de problemas, no tan s�lo recurre a la violencia, sino que tambi�n se viste de mujer y puede llegar a besar a otros hombres. Le gusta jugar con su zanahoria, lo que puede interpretarse como un s�mbolo f�lico, dado que sus besuqueos con seres del mismo sexo lo muestran como un homosexual que asumi� su rol.
Perfil psicol�gico: Bisexual, travest� y psic�pata abusivo.