Author: admin

Bill Gates dies and finds himself being sized up by God…

“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send
you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting
a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly
Windows ’95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to let
you decide where you want to go.”

Bill replied, “Well, what’s the difference between the two?”

God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly, to see if it will
help your decision.”

“Fine, but where should I go first?” Bill asked.

“I’ll leave that up to you,” God replied.

“Okay then,” said Bill, “let’s try Hell first.”

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters
and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and
frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very
pleased. “This is great,” he told God. “If this is
hell, I really want to see Heaven.”

“Fine,” said God, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds,
with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as
enticing as ell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.

“Hmm. I think I’d prefer Hell,” he told God.

“Fine,” replied God, “as you desire.”

So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he
was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall,
screaming amongst hot flames in dark carves, being burned and tortured by
demons, with no one to help him out of his dilemma, no matter how loud he
screamed.

“How’s everything going?” He asked Bill.

Bill responded with his voice filled with anguish and tormented
disappointment. “This is awful. This is nothing like the Hell I visited two
weeks ago. I can’t believe this is happening. What happened to that other place,
with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?”

“Oh,” God said, “that was Hell 3.1. This is Hell 95.”

Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading:
“Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology”.

The town’s fathers were not too happy with that sign, so they changed it to:
“Hysteria and Posteriors”.

This was not acceptable either, so they changed the sign to:
“Schizoids and Hemorrhoids”.

No go, so they tried:
“Catatonics and High Colonics”.

Thumbs down again, so they tried:
“Manic-depressives and Anal-retentive.”:

Still not good, so they tried:
“Minds and Behinds”.

Still no go. Nor did:
“Analysis and Anal Cysts”,
“Nuts and Butts”,
“Freaks and Cheeks” or
“Loons and Moons” work either, so they finally settled on:

“Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”

Se encontraba un matrimonio viendo noticias en la tv cuando escucharon un zumbido extra�o. El marido se asoma y ve descender un ovni. Asombrado, le dice a su pareja, “Mira flaca, un ovni.” Del aparato bajan una pareja de extraterrestres de 1.40 m, y el matrimonio los invita a pasar a su casa. Despu�s de varios tragos y mucha charla deciden experimentar un cambio de parejas, total que nadie lo iba a saber…

Al d�a siguiente se van los e.t. y la pareja los despide, ella feliz y �l ojeroso. Ya que se han ido, el marido le pregunta a su mujer c�mo le fue y ella feliz le dice: “Mira, se quit� la ropa y veo una pichita chiquita, m�s que la tuya, pero empieza a jalarse la oreja hacia un lado y empieza a hacerse anchota, se la jala para abajo y se empieza a hacer larga larga y vieras qu� rico y eterno se me hizo.

El hombre, todo consternado, le dice: “Con raz�n la marciana se dedic� a jalarme las orejas toda la noche.”