El novio acompa�a a su

El novio acompa�a a su novia a la casa despu�s de una salida. Cuando llegan a la entrada �l, adoptando una posici�n ganadora, apoya una mano en la pared y le dice:

“Mi amor, �por qu� no me chup�s la pija?”

“�Ac�? �Vos est�s loco!”

“Dale, rapidito, no pasa nada”.

“�No! Puede aparecer alguno de mi familia o alg�n vecino y reconocerme”.

“Pero es un ratito nada m�s, a esta hora no viene nadie”.

“�Te dije que no, no y no!”

“Dale, si a vos te gusta, una chupadita nada m�s”.

“�No!”

“Dale, no seas as�”.

En ese momento aparece la hermana de la chica, en camis�n y toda despeinada, avis�ndole:

“Dice pap� que se la chupes, y si no, que se la chupe yo, y si no, dice que baja �l y se la chupa, pero que por favor levante la mano del portero el�ctrico que son las 3:30 a.m.”

Oh, God, No

Three clergymen were sitting in a boat, fishing.”I’m thirsty,” said the first.”I’m gonna go get myself a Coke.” So he got out of the boat, walked across the water, and came back with his Coke.”Ooh, that looks good,” said the second and got out of the boat. He walked across the water, got his Coke, and came back.”You’re right,” said the third.”I think I’ll get one too.” He steps out of the boat and sinks like a rock.”Hey,” said the first clergyman to the second, “should we tell him where the rocks are?”

Jesus Golfing

Jesus, Moses and Elija were feeling good one day so they decided
to go golfing.

Jesus being Jesus always gets to tee off first. They get to the
7th hole, which is a long par 5 with a creek running across it
at about 240 yards. Jesus gets up to tee off and selects his
driver. Moses asks Jesus if he is going to try to drive across
the creek and Jesus says that he is feeling so good that he
thinks he can make it. So Jesus tees off and it is a long drive
but it lands in the middle of the creek. Jesus asks Moses to
part the water of the creek so he can retrieve his ball saying,
“You know how much I hate to lose a ball.” So Moses parts the
waters of the creek and the ball is retrieved. Jesus tees it up
again and because he is Jesus he gets unlimited mulligans. Jesus
says he is going to try to drive the creek again. Moses
responds, “Ok, but I am not going to help you get it back
again!” Jesus hits tee shot again and sure enough kerr plop it
lands in the creek again. So he goes down and is walking on the
water looking for his ball.

Meanwhile back at the tee the folowing foursome has reached the
tee. One of the golfers says to Moses, “Look at that guy walking
on the water. Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?” Moses
responds, “No, he thinks he is Tiger Woods.”

Good vs. Bad

Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know
they could do it better.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot. Bad girls make it
hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls
only own one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls pack their toothbrush. Bad girls pack their
diaphragms.

Good girls prefer the missionary position. Bad girls do too, but
only for starters.

Good girls say, “No.” Bad girls say, “When?”

Good girls think they’re not fully dressed without a strand of
pearls. Bad girls think they’re fully dressed with just a strand
of pearls.

Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to
bed.

NOT THE BRIGHTEST

Please confirm this entry to the database.

Category: Ethnic Type: Stories Audience: General

——————————————————————————–
IF HE ONLY HAD A BRAIN

TWO AFRICAN AMERICAN’S GUYS WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND A CAR CAME BY AND HIT ONE OF THE GUYS AND SPEAD OFF. HIS BUDDY RAN TO THE CLOSEST HOUSE BY, AND ASK IF HE COULD BARROW THE PHONE TO CALL 911. THE LADY SAID YES. THE 911 OPERATER ASKED, WHAT IS THE EMERGENCY? HE REPLIED… YEAH, MY DAWG GOT HIT BY A CAAR. I NEED A AM-BU-LANCE HERE ON SYC-U-MOE (SYCAMORE ST.)SKREET. 911 OPERATER SAID, “SYC-U-MOE????… CAN YOU PLEASE SPELL THAT FOR ME SIR? HE SAID, YEAH….. S…
C…Y…
NO,NO,NO, ITS S…Y…C…M… HEY, I JUST CARRY MY DAWG TO LEE SKREET AND YA’LL PICK HIM UP THERE.

KGB

The phone rings at KGB headquarters.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this KGB?”

“Yes. What do you want?”

“I’m calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy
of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood.”

“This will be noted.”

Next day, the KGB goons come over to Rabinovitz’s house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of
wood, find no diamonds, swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and leave.

The phone rings at Rabinovitz’s house.

“Hello, Yankel! Did the KGB come?”

“Yes.”

“Did they chop your firewood?”

“Yes, they did.”

“Okay, now it’s your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch
plowed.”

Eating alone

The teacher of an earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked Jonny to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”

Submitted ny calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Visiting New York

Two small-town merchants were visiting New York City for the first time to attend a conference.

There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and drink. At the end of the party, they both staggered outside.

One guy crossed the street, while the other stumbled into a subway entrance.

When the 1st guy reached the other side of the street, he noticed the other emerging from the subway stairs.

“Where ya been?” he slurred.

“I don’t know,” gushed the other guy, “but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing