Author: admin

En una encuesta reciente a los avispados encuestadores se les ocurri� plantear, entre otras, la siguiente pregunta:

�QU� ES MEJOR, EL CHOCOLATE O EL SEXO?

Pues la respuesta fue, para sorpresa de todos, abrumadoramente favorable hacia la ingesta de chocolate. Para tratar de entender lo que ocurr�a, se realiz� una nueva encuesta, donde se solicit� enumerar las razones de tal preferencia. Las principales respuestas fueron las siguientes:

1. El chocolate es mejor porque si no est� duro, satisface de la misma forma.

2. Uno puede comer chocolate en el coche sin ser interrumpido por los polic�as.

3. Usted puede comer chocolate delante de su mam�.

4. Si usted muerde con fuerza, el chocolate no grita ni reclama.

5. Dos personas del mismo sexo pueden comer chocolate juntas, sin ser insultadas.

6. El chocolate no reclama si usted se lo comi� muy r�pido.

7. El chocolate no deja pelos en la boca.

8. Usted no necesita mentirle al chocolate.

9. Al chocolate no le importa si usted es virgen o no lo es.

10. Uno puede comer chocolate cualquier d�a de la semana.

11. Uno nunca es muy joven o muy viejo para comer chocolate.

12. Cuando usted come chocolate los vecinos no escuchan.

13. El tama�o del chocolate no importa, lo que importa es el placer que proporciona.

14. El chocolate siempre tiene buen olor.

15. No duele comer chocolate por la primera vez.

16. El chocolate no transmite el SIDA.

17. No es necesario usar cond�n para comer chocolate.

18. Nadie termina un matrimonio por falta de chocolate.

19. No es necesario esperar casi una hora para comerse otro chocolate.

20. Despu�s de comer nadie necesita quedarse abrazado del envoltorio.

El borracho llega casi arrastr�ndose al edificio de apartamentos, pulsa uno de los botones del intercomunicador de la entrada y le contesta una se�ora:
“�Qu� desea?”
“Se�ora, �Ud. es casada?”
“S�.”
“�Y su esposo est� ah�?”
“S�.”
“Pues exc�seme.”
Presiona otro bot�n, y le contesta otra se�ora:
“Se�ora, �Ud. es casada?”
“S�.”
“�Y su esposo est� ah�?”
“S�.”
“Pues exc�seme.”
Pulsa otro bot�n, y le responde otra mujer:
“�Qu� desea?”
“Se�ora, �Ud. es casada?”
“S�”
“�Y su esposo est� ah�?”
“No.”
“�PUES BAJE, A VER SI SOY YO!”

My daughter called me at work to say I received a call from “Josh” at the bank
regarding my account. So, I called my bank and the operator asked me what Josh’s
last name was and I explained that he hadn’t left his last name.

When she asked for his department, I said that I didn’t know.

“There are 1500 employees in this building, ma’am,” she told me rather
sharply.

So I asked her for her name.

“Danielle,” she said.

“And your last name?” I asked.

“Sorry,” she replied, “we’re not allowed to give last names.”

A brit, an irishman, and a scot go out to a pub and order 3 pints. they each
find a fly floating on the top of their mugs. the brit says, �bartender, can i
have a spoon?” and quietly removes the fly from his brew. the irishman says,
�get out of there!” and flicks the fly away with a finger. the scot picks up the
fly with his fingers and says, �alright ya wee f*****. spit it out! now!”

The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant named Calle who has a chronic illness, requiring medication. The zoo people couldn’t get Calle to take her dose orally, so a California pharmacologist developed a suppository. The 10-inch-long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by the good folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame.

Administering the DAILY medication takes five zoo workers, including one person to distract Calle with treats and one person who wears a full-arm glove.

Why am I telling you this???? Just think FIVE people have jobs worse than yours!

There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept
confessing to adultery.

One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to
adultery, I’ll quit!”

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had
committed adultery would say they had “fallen.”

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest
died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited
the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, “You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When
people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.”

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest
about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the
mayor and said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about, your wife fell three
times this week.”