Yours Fun Portal !
Your mama’s so fat, her pix weigh 10lbs.
Your mama’s so fat, she wipes her ass with a Mattress.
Your mama’s so ugly, when she went inside a Haunted house, she came out
with a job application.
Your mama’s so dumb, she has to stick a phone up her ass just to make a
booty call.
A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested, “I’m looking for a spouse. Could you please help me to find a suitable partner?”
The marriage officer said, “Your requirements please.”
“Well, let me see, needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don’t go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation, and be silent when I want to rest.”
The officer listened carefully and replied, “I understand, you need a television!”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
“Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
Q. What does D.N.A. stand for? A. National Association of Dyslexics.
a blonde, a brunette and a redhead all go hunting.
The brunette comes back with a deer.
her father asks “How did you get that deer?”
the brunette replies “I followed the tracks and I followed the tracks and I got the deer.”
Next, the redhead comes back with a moose.
her father asks “how did you get that moose!”
the redhead replies “I followed the tracks and I followed the tracks and I got the moose.”
Last, the blonde comes crawling home….all beaten up and brused and a few broken arms and legs.
The dad asks “WHAT IN THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOU!”
the blonde replies “I followed the tracks and I followed the tracks and I got hit by a train.”
Back in the old west, there was a need to connect the east and the west with a telegraph line. The Manager of the project advertised for workers to complete the job. Three groups responded. A team of Irishmen, a group of Italians, and a final team composed of Blondes.
Since none of the groups would work with anyone from the other two groups, the project supervisor decided to assign each group to a different part of the line, and then see which team set the most poles.
The first task was to set the poles. The Supervisor sent each group out to a different location. Before they left, he advised all three groups that the one to bury the most poles today, would receive a bonus.
At the end of the day, the foreman of the Italians reported back to the Supervisor. The Supervisor inquired of him how many poles had been set by his team. He answered 48. The Supervisor was delighted. He advised the Italian to stay awhile until he heard how the Irishmen and the Blondes had done…
Next to report was the foreman of the Irishmen group. When asked, he reported that they had set 53 poles that day. Again the Superivsor was thrilled. He dismissed the Italian foreman and asked the Irishman to remain until the Blondes checked in.
A little while later the Blonde forewoman reported to the Supervisor.
“How many poles did your group set?” He asked. “Two.” Replied the Blonde forewoman.
“What! Just, two!” exclaimed the Supervisor. “The Italians set 48 poles, and the Irishmen set 53. How could you Blondes have only set two poles?”
“It may be true the Italians and Irishmen buried more poles than us,” replied the Blonde. “But you should see how much of the poles those bozos left sticking out of the ground!”
Knock-Knock.
Who’s there?
I’ll.
I’ll who?
I’ll be back!
Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton a miracle child?
A: Because lawyers use their personalities for birth control.
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, “It really works!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his
father for help. “Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and
reality?”
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, “Let’s make a
demonstration out of this. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert
Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you’ve
learned.”
The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what
his father means. He asks his mother,�Mom, if someone gave you a million
dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?” His mother looks around slyly,
and then with a little smile on her face says, “Don’t tell your father, but,
yes, I would.”
Then he goes to his sister�s room and asks her, “Sis, if someone gave you a
million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?” His sister looks up and says,
“Definitely!”
The kid goes back to his father and says, “Dad, I think I’ve
figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in
reality, we’re living with a couple of whores.”
The Van Gough Family
His obnoxiou brother… Please Gogh
His dizy aunt… Verti Gogh
His brother who ate prunes… Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked in a convenience store… StopN Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia… U Gogh
The brother who bleached his cloths white…Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois… Chica Gogh
His magician unlce… Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin… Amee Gogh
His Mexican cousin’ American half brother… Grin Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage…Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle… Cant Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt…Tan Gogh
The bird loving uncle… Flamin Gogh
His nephew who was a psychoanalyst E Gogh
His fruit loving cousin… man gogh
The aunt who taught positive thinking… Wayto Gogh
The little nephew… Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco… Ahgo Gogh
His aunt who travels the country in his van… Winnie B. Gogh