Why did santa claus go to jail?
he got caught laying barbie under the
christmas tree!
Author: admin
The rear tires on your
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.You consider “Outdoor Life” deep reading.You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
Paula Jones’ Offer
From Bill Maher on “Politically Incorrect” 97/05/27 regarding Paula Jones’ winning the right to sue President Clinton while he is in office:
“As you know, Paula Jones was offered a position on the governor’s staff…”
Clinton’s favorite instrument is not the saxophone….
Clinton’s favorite instrument is not the saxophone.
Its the whore-monica.
Dead Penis
An old man in a retirement home was very depressed. One of the
nurses asked him, “What’s the matter, Mr. Wilson?” “My penis
died,” he said. “What?” She asked. To which he again replied,
“My penis died!” The nurse didn’t think too much about it and
continued what she was doing.
The next day, she spotted the old man walking around with his
penis hanging out. “Stop that, Mr. Wilson.” She yelled, “You
can’t just walk around with your penis hanging out!” Mr. Wilson
says, “Do you remember yesterday I told you that my penis had
died? Well…today is the viewing!”
En el sal�n de clases
En el sal�n de clases de Pepito, un d�a la maestra les dijo:
“Si se portan bien y aprenden la lecci�n, ma�ana vengo con minifalda.”
Al dia siguiente la maestra iba en minifalda, y esta vez les dijo:
“Si se portan bien y aprenden la lecci�n, ma�ana vengo cubierta solamente con hojas de �rbol.”
Lo cumpli� y al d�a siguiente iba vestida s�lo con hojitas. Lleg� la hora del recreo y Pepito era el �nico que segu�a en el salon. Entonces la maestra le pregunt�:
“Pepito �por qu� no saliste?”
Y �l respondi�:
“Porque como hoy comienza el oto�o, estoy esperando a que las hojas se caigan…”
Something
Something you cannot use, at a price you cannot resist.
Engineering the human body
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer.The nervous systems hasmany thousands of electrical connections.”The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
Una pareja asiste a una
Una pareja asiste a una exposici�n ganadera y entra a la subasta de toros de crianza. El subastador anuncia el primer animal que ser� subastado:
“Este es un magn�fico ejemplar. Este toro se reprodujo 60 veces en el �ltimo a�o”.
La esposa le pica las costillas al marido reproch�ndole:
“�Ves, son m�s de cinco veces en un mes!”
Anuncian el segundo astado:
“�Otro fino semental, esta maravilla se reprodujo 120 veces el �ltimo a�o!”
Otra vez la mujer le dirige al marido:
“�O�ste, son diez veces al mes! �Qu� te parece eso?”
El hombre empieza a sentirse molesto con la comparaci�n cuando anuncian la subasta del tercer semental:
“�Y este extraordinario ejemplar se reprodujo 360 veces en un a�o!”
La esposa golpea al marido en el brazo y espeta:
“�Una vez por d�a, todos los d�as del a�o! �Qu� dices a eso?”
El marido ahora est� realmente furioso y grita:
“�Seguro, una vez al d�a, pero preg�ntale al subastador si todas las veces fueron con la misma vaca!”
The Devil Made Me Do It!
Sunday morning services were going very smoothly when suddenly a flash of
light and smoke appeared in front of the pulpit followed by a large
“BOOM”. When the smoke cleared, the astonished congregation saw a red
figure complete with horns, pitchfork and tail.
Immediately, panic set in. People crowded through the doors, trampling
each other in their rush to get away. Satan watched the retreat with great
glee, but his mood was disturbed by the sight of one man still lounging
comfortably in his pew.
“Do you not know who I am?”, Satan thundered.
The man’s reply was nonchalant, “Sure I do.”
Satan was puzzled. “Do you not fear me?”
“Nope.”
“Why not?”
The man snorted, “What for? I been married to your sister for 35 years!”
Broken Fingers
A man and a woman had just gotten married and the were at the
wedding reception. Now it was a family tradition on the bride’s
side to dance the first song with the best man. The groom was
alright with the idea so he let the best man dance with her.
Then suddleny, the song ended and then another song came on. The
groom just waited for it to be over but that song soon ended and
they were still dncing. The groom got so mad that he went right
up to the bride and kicked her betwen the legs!
The best man was so furious and he yelled at the groom, “I’ll
see you in court!” So all three of them went to court and the
judge asked the groom what had happened. The groom said, “They
kept on dancing and dancing and dancing until I got so pissed
that I kicked Ericka (the wife ) between the legs.” The judge
said, “Oooh! That’s gotta hurt!” Then the best man said,
“Yeah…I broke three fingers!”
Redneck Sex Education
One day Ma and pa were sitting on the porch, when Pa said to Ma junior’s 21 years old now” It�s about time we teach him about sex”.Ma said “ya know pa your right”.So pa said to junior “hey junior come on out to the porch for a second”.so junior came on out to the porch, Junior says “ya pa whatcha want”.Pa said “junior it�s about time we teach you about sex”.Junior said “sex what’s sex”.Pa turned to ma and told her to take off her clothes, so ma does, and she does a spread eagle right there on the porch.Pa says to junior “see that hole in ma? watch this”. So pa starts going at it with ma.In the mean time juniors brother comes out to the porch, he�s 18 and says, “Junior what’s ma and pa doing”.Junior says “their teaching me about sex”.Junior�s brother says “sex what’s sex”.Junior says “see that hole in pa watch this”.Red One day Ma and pa were sitting on the porch, when Pa said to Ma junior’s 21 years old now” It�s about time we teach him about sex”.Ma said “ya know pa your right”.So pa said to junior “hey junior come on out to the porch for a second”.so junior came on out to the porch, Junior says “ya pa whatcha want”.Pa said “junior it�s about time we teach you about sex”.Junior said “sex what’s sex”.Pa turned to ma and told her to take off her clothes, so ma does, and she does a spread eagle right there on the porch.Pa says to junior “see that hole in ma? watch this”. So pa starts going at it with ma.In the mean time juniors brother comes out to the porch, he�s 18 and says, “Junior what’s ma and pa doing”.Junior says “their teaching me about sex”.Junior�s brother says “sex what’s sex”.Junior says “see that hole in pa watch this”.Red
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