Author: admin

Un se�or vend�a frutos en frente de un colegio de senoritas. Las ni�as sal�an a diario a comprar y se re�an morbosamente al ver al borriquito muy excitado…

Un d�a la madre directora le dice al se�or, “Esto tiene que acabar pues su burrito es muy mal educado y eso es mal ejemplo para nuestras ni�as. Usted arregla el problema o no vende m�s.”

El senor le dice que no se preocupe que no pasar� m�s… Al siguiente d�a todas las monjas iban cantando por el jardin antes de la cena cuando una hermana corre donde la madre superiora y le dice, “Madre, hay un gusano muy gande en el jardin.”

La madre corre a ver y exclama, “�Qu� barbaridad! �Qu� sucedi�? �Han matado al padre Juan!”

This one guy goes to the doctor’s office. The doctor walks in and says “Hello, sir, what are you here for?”

The man replies “Doc, for a week I have had an orange dick!, it started scaring me so I came here”

The doctor then asks him “What have you been doing all week?”

The patient thought and replied “I have just been sitting around watching porno�s and eating Chee-Toes”

We’ve all seen him, the party drunk/asshole. He has too much to drink, makes an ass out of himself, barfs all over the rug, then passes out on your bed.We had a guy on the boat (I’m in the USN sub force) who would get so drunk when we pulled into a liberty port the asshole had to be carried back and dumped in his rack. We didn’t want the MP’s to snag him because that makes the boat look bad and our dickhead CO might have secured everyone’s liberty.To take care of this once and for all, we brought him back one night, out cold of course, and placed him in his rack on his side with his ass pointing to us. One person pulled down is pants and underwear while another person ran to the freezer and Doc’s office. The second person came back with a frozen hotdog and a condom.Here is how you do this little stunt:1. Unwrap the condom and place it over the frozen hotdog. A lubricated one works best.2. Shove the device up the guys ass and leave it there for a second or two. The condensation from the hotdog will allow it to be removed from the condom while leaving the rubber in the asshole.3. Pull the victims pants up and leave them unbuttoned and unbuckled. (OPTIONAL)The less people involved the better. When our victim woke up and went to the head we all had to leave to keep from cracking up. When he was done with his shit, shower, and shave, he came to the mess decks for chow. He sat next to a friend of mine who was involved with the shen and asked, “Hey man, what happened last night?””I was going to ask you the same thing. You started drinking with some dork from a skimmer and the next thing we knew you guys were off to the bars out in town. Why?”He had a mortified look on his face.”Uhh, just wondering.”He never got trashed again while on that deployment.

A man who wanted a dog to protect his business, visited a kennel that specialised in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog, snarling loudly, and biting and clawing at the cage.”He looks like he’d be a pretty good attack dog,” said the buyer.”Well, he’s not bad,” replied the owner, “but I have a different one in mind for you.”They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage.”Ah,” said the buyer.”This must be the dog you were referring to earlier.””Well, no.” said the owner.”I have something better in mind for you.”The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a large dog, panting heavily and lying quietly on his side, licking his own butt. He seemed unaware of the men’s approach.”This is the dog I had in mind for you,” said the owner.The buyer was flabbergasted.”You’re joking!” he exclaimed.”This dog is tame compared to the others; he doesn’t even act like an attack dog.””I know he appears tame now,” said the owner.”But you see, he just ate a lawyer, and he’s trying to get the taste out of his mouth.”

An Irishman goes into a pub in London with a little man, 6 inches tall, in his shirt pocket. He says to the barman, “I’d like a pint of Guinness for meself and a thimble of Guinness for me friend.”The barman says, “Cor blimey, what’ve you got there, Paddy? Is it a little Irish leprechaun?”Paddy answers, “No, it’s an Englishman with the shit kicked out of him.”