A guy goes out to buy a pair of shoes. He sees these boots in the front window and buys them. When he went home he asked his wife if seh noticed anything different about him and he replied “no.” He asked her again, “Come on look harder. Do u notice anything different about me?” the wife replied “no.” So we went to the bathroom and and took off all of his clothes, and only had his boots on and came out. This time he asked her a little bit louder,”DO YOU NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT ABOUT ME! she replied, “no your penus was hanging down yesterday, its hanging down today and it will hang down tomorrow!” the husband said “do you know why its hanging down? because its looking at my new boots! the wufe replied “oh you should have brought a hat instead.
Author: admin
Newly-wed couple
this newly wed couple were on there honey moon and where about to have sex: wife: before we do this i have something i have to tell u husband: were married now u can tell me any thing wife: im flat chested husband: i dont believe u..prove it so she takes off her shirt husband: holy shit i never seen a smaller chest, but i have something i have to tell u too wife: were married now u can tell me any thing husband: im “weighed like a baby” wife: i dont believe you prove it so he takes off his pants wife: i thought u sayed u were weighed like a baby?? husband: i am 6lbs 7ounces!
After surgery
As the lawyer slowly came out of the anesthesia after surgery, he said, “Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?” “There’s a big fire across the street,” the doctor replied. “We didn’t want you to think the operation was a failure.”
Computer lingo guide
Floppy disk – What you get from piling too much wood into your wood stove
Camping Continued …
“Knock, knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Hewlett.”
“Hewlett who?”
“Who let all of these mosquitos in!!”
WINDERS 98
MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of
Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one
of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
Looking at the opening screen may recognize the Georgia edition.
It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed
on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.
Also note:
Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol’ Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
Other features:
Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and
duct tape.
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = Naaaa
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help = hep me out here
stop = ternit off
start = crank it up
settings = sittins
programs = stuff that does stuff
documents = stuff I done done
Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation
marks.
Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:
tiperiter…………….A word processor
colering book…………a graphics program
addin mershene………..calculator
scratch paper ………..notepad
jupe-box …………….CD Player
inner-net…………….Microsoft Explorer
pichers………………A graphics viewer
IRS………………….M/S accounting software
IRS2…………………M/S accounting software with hidden files
coon dog……………..American kennel club records
fishin……………….Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.
NRA………………….National Rifle Association
shot gun …………….Remington Arms price list
riffel……………….Winchester price list
pisstel………………Smith & Wesson price list
truck………………..Ford & Chevrolet dealers in GA. by zip code
house………………..Nearest Mobil home repair service by zip code
car …………………same as truck, just need two lists in Texas
cuzzins………………family history usually a 3 meg file
tax records…………..usually an empty file
shells……………….ammunition inventory, another 3 meg file
bud………………….list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
racin………………..NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations
that carry the race car n’ truck
Parts…….nearest Junk yard by zip code
doc …………………veterinarians by zip code
We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the
Georgia edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.
Health is merely the slowest
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Yo mama’s so Fat
Yo’ mama so fat, her doctor said she had a flesh-eating disease and told her
she had 13 years to live!
Out of Control Parrot
A farmer and his wife are given the gift of a parrot from a relative. The Parrot, a male, sneaks out and screws the next door neighbors turkeys and rushes back home, but not before being caught in the act. The neighbors knock on the door and explain what the Parrot was up to. The owners reprimand the parrot and tell him if he doesn’t stop it, they will have to shave his head. That night the Parrot, overcome with desire, sneaks out again and screws his neighbor’s turkeys again.
The next morning the owner ties the bird down and proceeds to shave his head. The next day at the farmer’s daughters wedding, to please the relative, who had given them the parrot, they sit the parrot on the piano and tell him that he should greet all the guests and direct them to their seats in the church.
The parrot is doing fine. “Groom’s guests to the left and Bride’s guests to the right.”
Until finally two bald men arrive and then he announces, “And you two Turkey fuckers up on the piano with me!!!”
Suicide is the most sincere
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
yo mama
yo mama is just so stupid
Osama Bin Laden And Pantyhose
What do Osama Bin Laden and pantyhose have in common?
They both irritate Bush.