Why did you escape from prison? – a policeman asks the fugitive.
wanted to get married.
Heh. You have quite the strange view of freedom.
Author: admin
Naming children
A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident and, while in
the hospital, she fell into a coma.
When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a
child, and asked, “Doc, what happened to my baby!”
The doctor replied, “Ma’am, you’ve had twins! You’re the proud mother of a
handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while
you were in a coma, your brother named the children for you.”
“Oh, no!” shrieked the woman. “Not my brother! He’s not really all together,
if you know what I mean!”
The doctor replied, “Well, ma’am, your brother named your daughter Denise.”
“Oh, that’s no so bad,” smiled the woman. Then, hesitantly, she asked, “What’s
the boy’s name?”
The doctor grinned and said, “Denephew.”
I have commited a sin
One day a burnette goes to a preacher and says, “I have commited a sin.”
Preacher: what was it.
Burnette: I stabbed a man to death.
Preacher: go drink some holy water and your sins will be forgiven.
Later a redhead goes to the preacher and says, “I have commited a sin.”
Preacher: what was it.
Redhead: I pushed a man of a cliff.
Preacher: go drink some holy water and your sins will be forgiven.
later a blonde goes to the preacher and says “I have commited a sin.”
preacher: what was it.
blonde: I peed in the holy water that they are drinking.
Cured
A woman went to her doctor’s office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, “What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?”
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.
“Cured her hiccups though, didn’t it?”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Un psiquiatra, para encontrar la
Un psiquiatra, para encontrar la ra�z del problema de un paciente dibuja una l�nea vertical y le dice:
“�Qu� le sugiere?”
“Una mujer desnuda.”
Cruza la l�nea con una horizontal:
“�Y ahora?”
“Una mujer desnuda agachada.”
Borra las dos l�neas y dibuja una horizontal:
“�Y esto, qu� le sugiere?”
“Una mujer desnuda acostada.”
“La verdad es que usted sufre un grave complejo sexual.”
“�YO?, �ES USTED QUIEN HA PINTADO ESAS GUARRADAS!”
Hair pulling
A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair. “Don’t be angry,” the mother says, “Your little sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts.” A short while later, there’s more crying, and the mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother says, “Now she knows.”
Telephone Difference
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
To take over the other side.
Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?
A: To take over the other side.
Policeman
What did the policeman sat to his stomach
your under a vest
Constipation
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
Mother Teresa meets Princess Diana
Mother Teresa is walking around Heaven one day as she notices Princess Diana passing by. “What a lovely woman,” Mother Teresa thought, “doing all those wonderful things for the sick and starving of our world.” As Princess Diana passes by, Mother Teresa notices that Diana’s halo is much bigger than that of her own. “I had dedicated my entire life on earth to those sick and hungry, and her halo is bigger than mine?!” So, Mother Teresa decides to go find St. Peter and ask him about her problem.
Upon hearing the problem, St. Peter smiles a little and reassures Mother Teresa that,”It’s not a halo; that’s the steering wheel.”
Bait my hook
With the advent of Spring in the US, a lot of avid fishermen are already out
there trying their luck. My sister-in-law’s husband is probably one of the most
rabid around. Returning from a day of fishing near the Chesapeake Bay Bridge I
asked him if they were biting. He replied, “Were they? I had to lie down in the
boat just to bait my hook!”