An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.The barman asks him, ‘You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.’The Irishman replies, ‘Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America and the other’s in Australia and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together’The barman admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way, ordering three pints and drinking them in turn.One day he comes in and orders only two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, ‘I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.’The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. ‘Oh no,’ he says. ‘Everyone’s fine. I’ve just given up drinking.’
Author: admin
Top Ten Reasons Why The Computer Industry Is Openi
1. It’s easier for a woman to “turn on” a computer
2. Women don’t have motherboard fixations.
3. Women are much better at FDISK-ing a hard drive
4. When lost on the Internet, women are willing to ask for directions.
5. Women can communicate gossip and rumors quicker than the fastest modem.
6. Only women (I think) can marry Bill Gates.
7. Women see a 14 inch monitor they think it’s a 14 incher and not a 20.
8. Women have bigger SMART drives.
9. Women don’t think with their joysticks.
10. Women actually read installation manuals.
The older a man gets,
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
A BBS Commandment
9. Thou shalt delete thine olden messages.
3campers
3 men went to wales on a camping trip and had a great time fishing in the day but when it got to night fall all three of them were freezing so they all huddled together to keep warm. Eventually they fell asleep.
The next morning the first man woke up and said “I had a dream last night that someone was holding my penis” and with that the second man said “I had a dream that someone was holding my penis too” and the man who was sleeping in the middle said “Thats funny, I had a dream last night that i was skiing!”
Un tipo se dirige a
Un tipo se dirige a su casa, despu�s de asistir a una suculenta y abundante cena de negocios, conduciendo su veh�culo; ha comido tanto y est� tan lleno que se afloja el cintur�n del pantal�n para sentirse c�modo. Al llegar a un sem�foro en rojo se le acerca un ni�o pobre de la calle:
“Reg�leme veinticinco centavos para comprarme un pan”.
El hombre, con cara de desagrado, le responde:
“�Mir�, no me habl�s de comida que estoy lleno!”
20ft Birdie Putt
One day a young fella walked into the golf course club house looking for a
game. The attendant said there was a young lady about to tee off on the first
tee by herself The young fella went out and joined her for 18 holes. When on the
18th green, the young fella had a 25ft putt for a birdie and the young lady had
a 20ft birdie putt. The young fella was about to putt his 25 footer , when he
stopped and looked up at the young lady and said, “You know, I’ve enjoyed myself
so much today that if I make this 25ft birdie putt, I’ll take you out for
wineing and dining to the best places in town.” With that he putts his 25 footer
in for a birdie. The young lady steps up to her 20 ft birdie, stops and says,
“If I make this 20ft birdie putt, that after our wineing and dining, I’ll take
you back to my place for wild times all night.” Just as she goes to putt, the
young fella hollers out, “Hold it! Thats a gimme, pick it up!”
Speech therapy goes awry
These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years. The first guy asks the second guy, “How have things been going?”The second guy – speaking very s..l..o..w..l..y… tells the first guy, “I w..a..s.. a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d.”The first guy says in amazement, “Hey, you don’t stutter any more.”The answer comes, ” Y..e..s, I w..e..n..t t..o a d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k.. s..l..o..w..l..y I w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r.” The first friend congratulates him and then asks again about how he was almost married. “W..e..l..l m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I w..e..r..e s..i…t..t..i..n..g o..n h..e..r p..o…r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g w..a..s s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k a..n..d I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t w..h..e..n w..e a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d s..h..e c..a..n d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e a..n..d s..h..e t..h..r..e..w t..h..e r..i..n..g i..n m..y f..a..c..e” “Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?” asks the first friend. “W..e..l..l I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l..o..w..l..y, t..h..a..t b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e l..o..o..k..e..d a..t t..h..e d..o..g, h..e w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..l..l..s”
Miscellaneous yo mama joke
Yo mama gums are so black she spits Yoo-hoo.
My Penis just died
Grandpa is running around in the nursing home with his privates hanging out of his pants screaming, “My penis just died, my penis just died!”
The nurses calm him down, and he goes back to his room.
The next day, grandpa is running around again with his privates hanging out, so the nurse asks him, “I thought you said yesterday that your penis died. What happened?”
Grandpa replies, “Yes, it did… but today is the viewing!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Best Son
There are three Jewish mothers bragging about their sons. The first one says “My son is very successful. He is the best lawyer in New York City.”
The second one says, “My son has done better than that. He is the best doctor in New York City.”
The third one says, “My son has not done that well. He does not have a very good job, and he is homosexual. But he has these two great boyfriends… One is the best lawyer in New York City, and the other is the best doctor in the city!”
Everything I really need to know I learned from Noah’s Ark
1. Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah build the ark.
2. Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something Really big.
3. Don’t listen to critics. Do what has to be done.
4. Build on the high ground.
5. For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.
6. Two heads are better than one.
7. Speed isn’t always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board, but so was the snails.
8. If you can’t fight or flee–float.
9. Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth.
10. Don’t forget that we’re all in the same boat.
11. When the doo-doo gets really deep, don’t sit there and complain–shovel!
12. Stay below deck during the storm.
13. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs & the Titanic was built by professionals.
14. If you have to start over, have a friend by your side.
16. Remember that the woodpeckers INSIDE are often a bigger threat than the storm outside.
17. No matter how bleak it looks, there’s always a rainbow on the other side.
18. DON’T MISS THE BOAT !!!!