Ha ha ha,very funny Scottie….
NOW BEAM DOWN MY CLOTHES!!
Author: admin
War Game Casualties
During an Army war game a commanding officer’s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.
“Sorry sir,” said one of the loafers, “but we�ve been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn’t contribute in any way.”
The C.O. turned to his driver and said, “Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction.”
There is nothing wrong with
There is nothing wrong with you that couldn’t be cured by cosmetic surgery.
What type of salad dressing
What type of salad dressing do the Chinese use?
Chairman Mayo.
Some sick, sexual riddles
How do you know when you’re REALLY ugly?Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.What is the quickest way to clear out a men’s restroom?Say, “Nice dick.”How do you know you’re leading a sad life?When a nymphomaniac tells you, “Let’s just be friends.”Why don’t bunnies make noise when they make love?Because they have cotton balls.Mom’s have Mother’s Day, Father’s have Father’s Day.What do single guys have? Palm SundayWhy is being in the military like a blowjob?The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?Miracle Whip.What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?A bingo machine.What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?The porcupine has pricks on the outside.What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?”Are you sure it’s mine?”
What’s 18 inches long and makes a women scream?…
What’s 18 inches long and makes a women scream?
Crib death.
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?A: A wind tunnel.
Need Viagra?
This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, “I’ll be ready in an hour.”
“Perfect,” she replies.
The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife?
She calls him on the phone and she says, “Traffic is terrible. I won’t be there for about an hour and a half.”
The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. “What should I do?” he asks.
The Doctor replied, “It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?”
“Yes” the man replied.
“Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?” said the Doctor.
The man then replied with dismay, “But I don’t need Viagra with the housekeeper…”
There was a lady who went to the tattoo parlor…
There was a lady who went to the tattoo parlor and got two tattoos, one of a
turkey on her inside left thigh and another on her inside right thigh.
She
got home and showed her husband and he asked “Why did you get those
there?”
She said “Because you’re always bitching that you never have anything to eat
between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”
Ghosts
How come ghosts can’t have babies?
Because they have hollow weenies!
Sperm Counting
There was this guy that went to the doctor to get is sperm counted.The lady
behind the desk handed him a jar and said, “Bring it back tomorrow, full.” He
says, “Okay, I’ll be back tomorrow then.”
Well he goes home and comes back the next day, and he hands the woman the jar.
She says, “Nothing’s in it.” The man responds, “Well, I went home and I tried
with my right hand and I tried with my left hand and nothing happend. I called
my wife into the room, and she tried with her right hand and she tried with her
left hand. Nothing still happend. Well, we called our neighbor and she came
over, and she tried with her right hand ans she tried with her left hand, and
still nothing happened.
And the woman behind the counter looked srtunned and asked, “You asked your
neighbor over to help you!?” And he says, “Yeah, we couldn’t get the jar open.”
Having To Face the F
Dermatologist: Good News my dear, aftr looking through your test results I’m happy to report you will no longer be plagued by pimples. Girl: Wow! That’s great! Why? Dermatologist: There’s no more space.