Author: admin

Dirty Dishes!

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A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners.

When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were
the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.

“Were these dishes ever washed?” he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.

She replied, “Of course they were cleaned Father.”
“They’re as clean as soap and water could get them.”

He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and they all started eating. The meal was delicious and he paid his compliments in spite the dirty dishes.

When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yells –
“Here Soap! Here Water!”

True Medical Stories

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A man and woman hobbled into a Washington emergency room covered
in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his towels around his
waist and the woman had them around her head. They eventually
explained to the doctors that they had gone out that evening for
a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under
the table to administer oral sex to the man. While in the act,
she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the
man’s member and wrench it from side to side. In agony and
desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head
until she let go!

*****

A Californian doctor examining a young woman for abdominal pains
asked her if she was sexually active. She said that she wasn’t.
A later examination showed that she was pregnant. Asked why she
had said she was not sexually active, the woman replied “I’m
not, I just lie there.” When asked if she knew who the father
was, with a puzzled look she replied, “No, who?”

*****

In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his
penis. He complained that his wife had a “rat in her pussy” and
it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, it was
revealed that she had a surgigal needle left inside her after a
recent hysterectomy.

The biology song 05

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Hark! The Streptococcus Brings(Melody: “Hark! The Herald = Angels Sing”)Hark! the Streptococcus bringsStrep sore throat to all who sing,Chloraseptic doesn’t cure itOther people’s sneezing lures it.If the strep bug has a virusScarlet fever then arises,Cross reaction with the heartCauses it to come apart,Hark! the Streptococcus totes,Toxin and fire to all it smotes.Pneumonia makes you cough and wheeze,Mucus fills the lungs with sleazeA viscous greenish oozing cloak,That causes you to gasp and chokeWithout water you can drownIf you breathe the strep germ downHark! The Streptococcus breedsThe misery of a bad diseaseOf fecal strep in food beware,Methane gas befouls the air,Speedily you drop your pantsAs if they held live fire antsOn the toilet you are dyingBent in pain, guts liquefyingHail! the Streptococcus meansGlory to those who would be lean

Modern Miracles

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An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, ‘What is this, Father?’The father (never having seen an elevator) responded ‘Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don’t know what it is.’While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.The father said to his son, ‘Go get your Mother.’

Smell better

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tha lady entered a lift in a shopping mall as the lift got higher a woman got smelled the air and said “m channel no5 �100 ” as they got a floor higher another woman enteres the lift smells the air and says “m kalvin klein �150″ when they got to the lady,s floor she got out bent over and farted and said ” brocili 25p a pound”

Having to Take a Whisper

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Once there was a liitle boy in church. He had to go to the
bathroom so he told his mother, ”Mommy, I have to piss.”
The mother said, ”Son don’t say piss in church. Next time
you have to piss, say, ‘whisper’ because it is more polite.

The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father
this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.

He told his father, ”Daddy I have to whisper.”

The father said, ”OK. Here, whisper in my ear.”