Australian Thesaurus of Computer Terminology
Log on – Make the barbie hotter
Log off – Don’t add any more wood
Monitor – Keeping an eye on the barbie
Download – Get the wood off the ute
Hard drive – trip home without any cold tinnies
Floppy Disc – What you get lifting too much firewood at once
Backup – How you get the ute out of the shed
Keyboard – where you hang the ute keys
Windows – What you shut when there’s a dust storm
Screen – What you shut when there are blowies or mozzies about
RAM – How you get the fence post in
Byte – What mozzies do
Bit – What mozzies did
Megabyte – What Townsville mozzies do
Chip – Accompanies fish
Microchip – What’s left in the bag after you have eaten the chips
Modem – What you do to the lawns
Cable – The thing wound around the winch on the front of the ute
Dot Matrix – Old Don Matrix’s wife
Laptop – Where the cat sleeps
Hardware – Real stainless steel knives and forks from K Mart
Software – Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster
Mouse – What eats the grain in the shed
Mainframe – What holds the shed up
Web – What spiders make
Web Site – The shed or under the veranda
Cursor – The old bloke who swears a lot
Search Engine – What you do when the ute won’t go
Yahoo – What you say when the ute does go
Upgrade – A steep hill
Server – The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch
User – The neighbour who keeps borrowing the lawn mower
Network – When you have to repair your fishing net
Internet – Complicated fish net repair method
Netscape – When fish manoeuvres out of reach of net
Online – When you get the washing hung out
Offline – When the pegs don’t hold the washing up