Reasons it’s great to be a guy:
– Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
– Movie nudity is virtually always female.
– A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
– You don’t have to monitor your friends’ sex lives.
– Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
– You can open all your own jars.
– Old friends don’t give a crap whether you’ve lost or gained
weight.
– Dry cleaners and haircutters don’t rob you blind.
– When clicking through the channels, you don’t have to stall at
every shot of somebody crying.
– All your orgasms are real.
– You don’t have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere
you go.
– You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
– Your last name stays put.
– You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
– You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
– Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
– Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
– Wedding plans take care of themselves.
– If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can
still be your friend.
– You don’t have to shave below your neck.
– None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
– You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
– If you’re 34 and single, nobody even notices.
– You can write your name in the snow.
– Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
– Chocolate is just another snack.
– You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
– Flowers fix everything.
– You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
– Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
– You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
– Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a
room.
– You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
– You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
– You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without
ever thinking “He must be mad at me”.
– The world is your urinal.
– Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
– One mood, all the time
– You never have to drive on to another gas station because this
one’s just too skeevy.
– You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you’re wearing.
– Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
– You don’t have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch
adjustment.
– Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.
– You don’t care if someone’s talking about you behind you back.
– With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth’s
population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
– You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.
– If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
– The remote control is yours and yours alone.
– People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
– You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a
littlegift.
– Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers.
– You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
– You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
– You needn’t pretend you’re “Freshening up” to go to the
bathroom.
– If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t
tell your other friends you’ve changed.
– Someday you’ll be a dirty old man.
– You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase “Screw
it.”
– If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you
just might become lifelong buddies.
– Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So…notice
anything different?”
Things that suck about being a guy:
– The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over $200,000.
– External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs.
– Even if you get your head caught in an industrial wood
chipper, you’re not allowed to cry.
– Ribbed for her pleasure – not yours.
– You have to wear ties.
– You can’t flirt your way out of a jam.
– “Women and children first.”