- Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.
- How come SUPERMAN could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
- If it was only a 3 hour cruise, why did MRS. HOWELL have so many clothes?
- Why does SOUR CREAM have an Expiration date?
- Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery?
- Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
- Why do we wait until a PIG is dead, to “CURE” it?
- Why do we wash BATH TOWELS–aren’t we clean when we use them?
- Why doesn’t GLUE stick to the inside of the bottle?
- Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?
- What do little birdies see, when they get knocked unconscious?
- If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
- Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
- When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
- What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
- Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
- If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
- If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
- Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
- Atheism is a nonprophet organization.
- If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
- Never trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent.
- Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
- Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
- If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?