~ You were meant for me, perhaps as a punishment.~ I know how to push all my wife’s buttons … now if I could only find the one marked OFF!~ I must admit, you brought religion in my life. I never believed in hell until I met you.~ Looking back over the years that we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder: what the hell was I thinking?~ As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you’re not here to ruin it for me.~ They say that an attractive human body is worth a million dollars. Looks like someone robbed your ugly ass.~ When we were together, you always said you’d die for me. Now that we’ve broke up, I think it’s time you kept your promise.~ I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.~ I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re here.