– Some mornings, it just ain’t worth chewing through the leather
straps.
– Chaos, panic, and disorder; my job is done here.
– Few women admit their age, even fewer men act theirs.
– Oh, wait, sorry, I didn’t mean to look interested.
– DAMMIT, YOU’RE STILL TALKING?!
– Sex on the television can’t hurt you . . . unless you fall off.
– Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
– Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
– I went to hell, it was full, so I came back.
– Ya know what, it really don’t matter if I win or lose, just as
long as I piss you off in the process.
– Pissed off? Hey, it’s better than being pissed on.
– I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my
grandfather…not screaming and yelling like the people in his
car.
– I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
– It’s not an optical illusion, it just looks that way.
– Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
– We’re born naked, wet, and hungry. . . .then things get worse.
– God bless America. But, God, please help Canada.
– Hey, the light at the end of that tunnel may be an oncoming
train.
– Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs
louder.
– Love thine enemies…it REALLY pisses them off.
– Friends come and go, but enemies seem to accumulate.
– You can only be young once, but you can be immature FOREVER!.
– Gravity sucks.
– There are few problems that cannot be solved with the usage of
high explosives.