12> She calls to ask you the meaning of “conjugal.”
11> Her new bumper sticker: “Convicts do it for life.”
10> She proudly says she finally found a man who sleeps in the same bed every night.
9> She only feels comfortable speaking to you on the phone when you’re on opposite sides of the same window.
8> Your ex *is* a convict.
7> Back from custody weekend, little Timmy asks if he can have a steel toilet next to his bed, “just like Uncle Snake!”
6> You hear her asking the kids if the “screws” at daycare are treating them right.
5> Your children’s response to why drugs are bad is “they violate your parole.”
4> You’re spending another weekend with the kids because “Mommy’s visiting the Conjugals.”
3> She boasts: “He’s a former child TV star!”
2> Your kids try to guess how many cigarettes their birthday presents are worth.
1> Her license plate is autographed.