- Kid’s letter to north pole comes back stamped, “Dream on, Chester!”
- Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes
- Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling
- By the time he gets to your house, all he has left are styrofoam peanuts
- Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed.
- Instead of “Naughty” or “Nice”, Santa has him on the dork list
- Sends him off on one of them Carnival Cruises with Kathie Lee
- First words when kid gets on his lap are, “Touch my beard and I’ll put the hurt on you.”
- Labels on all your kid’s toys read “Straight from Craptown.”
- Four words: “Off my lap, Tubby!”