Amphibian American — frog.
Aquatically-Challenged — drowning.
Biologically-Challenged — dead.
Caucasian Culturally-Disadvantaged — white trash.
Certified Astrological Consultant — crackpot.
Certified Crystal Therapist — crackpot.
Certified Past-Life Regression Hypnotist — crackpot.
Chronologically-Gifted — old.