– You lose arguments with inanimate objects.- You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.- Job interfering with your drinking.- Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.- Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.- The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.- Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.- Two hands and just one mouth… – now THAT’S a drinking problem!- You can focus better with one eye closed.- The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.- You fall off the floor…- Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.- Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!- Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you- At AA meetings you begin: ”Hi, my name is… uh.- Your idea of cutting back is less salt.- You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. – hmm.- The whole bar says ‘Hi’ when you come in…- You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women/Men.- Every night you’re beginning to find your roommate’s cat more and more attractive.- Roseanne looks good.- Don’t recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.- That damned pink elephant followed me home again.- Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.- I’m as jober as a sudge.- The shrubbery’s drunk from too frequent watering.- You wake up screaming ”TORO, TORO, TORO!” in the middle of the night.