10. Blows to the jaw often cause your entire head to fly off.
9. Your last match was promoted as “The Snooza in Tuscaloosa.”
8. When you hear the bell, you shout, “Is it dinner time, mommy?”
7. Left hook is severely hampered by your I.V. drip.
6. Instead of “Let’s get ready to rumble!” announcer says, “Let’s watch the geezer get his ass kicked!”
5. Your main strategy: distract opponents with cute pictures of your grandchildren.
4. Recently broke your hip putting on boxing trunks.
3. Opponent’s glove keeps getting caught in your rolls of fat.
2. Your idea of a one-two combo is Metamucil and a nap.
1. Mike Tyson chipped a tooth on your hearing aid.