15> Nightly turn-down service includes a little tin of Skoal left on your pillow.
14> For every night you stay, your sister stays with you free.
13> The sports bar has a Jeff Gordon dart board.
12> Potpourri in the bathroom smells of scorched tires.
11> The Bible in your night stand has illustrations of all the begetting.
10> The hallways are full of rednecks on lawn chairs with coolers.
9> For religious guests, a statuette of a haloed Dale Earnhardt is provided in every room.
8> A team of eight maids gets your room cleaned in 13 seconds flat — while you’re still in bed.
7> Some guy who’s missing a few teeth keeps screaming at you to scrub harder while you’re in the shower.
6> The “VRROOOMM service” menu? Nothin’ but biscuits ‘n’ gravy.
5> Pick-up lines in the cocktail lounge usually include the term “pole sitter.”
4> The “Magic Fingers” bed vibrates about 10 times too fast, drowns out anything less than a shout and occasionally rolls over and bursts into flames.
3> The mini-bar is stocked with pork rinds, Velveeta, Slim Jims and Pabst Blue Ribbon.
2> “Here’s your room key, sir. To get to your suite, go to the end of the hall and turn left, then left again, then take a left, then….”
1> When newlyweds consummate their marriage in the honeymoon suite, a checkered flag drops from the ceiling and they’re expected to do a victory lap in the lobby.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]