14> Hey, we get 80 channels of great American TV 24 hours a day — there’s no *time* to exercise!
13> One word: Sprinkles
12> “Girl Scout Cookie Dough” gets better tasting every year.
11> Too worn out after exercising rights to free speech and to bear arms to exercise anything else!
10> Ally McBacklash
9> The colossal failure of “Salad King” drive-thru chain.
8> Calories burned by reading internet humor lists all day long? Zero.
7> Part of our country’s defense strategy: Asses too large to be kicked.
6> In: “Must See TV” Out: “Must See One’s Own Genitals”
5> Doing it just to spite Richard Simmons.
4> Have to beat those Japanese at *something*.
3> Addition of a diet soda does NOT mean your triple bacon cheeseburger / chili fries combo is a healthy meal.
2> *Someone’s* got to provide a global counterbalance to those 1.2 billion Chinese.
1> A balanced American diet: pint of Super Fudge Chunk in the left hand, Jumbo Beef-o-rito in the right.