A guy was in a bar drinking lightly after work. When he saw the
time, he said “Whoa, I gotta get home or my wife will kill me!”
His friend goes, “Listen, drink more and don’t worry about it.”
So he did. Then, the guy got soooooo drunk that he puked up
onto himself. “Oh man, my wifes gonna murder me.” he slurred.
“Don’t worry” his friend said “here is a $20 note, ok. Tell ya
wife this….”
Later that night, the man got home.
“Who do you think you are coming home drunk to me with vomit over
your shirt. You bastard! You’re a discrace of a husband” The
wife cried. “No sweetie” Mr Drunk began, “I stayed late at the
office and on the way home some druck chucked on me. He gave me
$20 as an apology. The wife stared at her husband. “Why is
there $40 in your pocket then?” The husband stared at the floor
and said, “Oh, um, um, um, he shit in my pants as well!”