-The reason why our bras don’t always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.
-The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.
-If we’re watching football with you–it’s not bonding–it’s the butts.
-If the truth hurts, ask us those ego-sensitive questions on your payday.
-Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.
-Don’t fret if you find out that the milkman delivers more than once a day.
-Please don’t drive when you’re not driving.
-Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.
-Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of baths you take.
-If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn’t ask in bed.
-The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.
-If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of “who’s easy”?
-Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don’t care.
-When you’re not around, I belch loudly, too.
-Start parting and combing your hair to one side early in life–you’ll never see the ‘island’ coming.
-Have a strong need for male bonding? Visit your proctologist.
-Your contributions to your child should go above and beyond that y chromosome you unselfishly sacrificed.
-Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.
-Your balding is a good thing–it subsidizes our hair care expenses.