Jon Snow: “In a sense, Deng Xiaoping’s death was inevitable, wasn’t it?”
Expert: “Er, yes.”
(Channel 4 News)
“As Phil De Glanville said, each game is unique, and this one is no different to any other.”
(John Sleightholme – BBC1)
“If England are going to win this match, they’re going to have to score a goal.”
(Jimmy Hill – BBC)
“Beethoven, Kurtag, Charles Ives, Debussy – four very different names.”
(Presenter, BBC Proms, Radio 3)
“Cystitis is a living death, it really is. Nobody ever talks about it, but if I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and getting cystitis, I’d wave goodbye to my arms quite happily.”
(Louise Wener (of Sleeper) in Q Magazine)
“Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.”
(Metro Radio Sports Commentary)
Listener: “My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg fell off at the altar on my wedding day.”
simon Fanshawe: “How awful! Do you still have an artificial leg?”
(Talk Radio)
Interviewer: “So did you see which train crashed into which train first?”
15-year-old: “No, they both ran into each other at the same time.”
(BBC Radio 4)
Presenter (to palaeontologist): “So what would happen if you mated the woolly mammoth with, say, an elephant?”
Expert: “Well in the same way that a horse and a donkey produce a mule, we’d get a sort of half-mammoth.
Presenter: “So it’d be like some sort of hairy gorilla?”
Expert: “Er, well yes, but elephant shaped, and with tusks.”
(GLR)
Kilroy-Silk: “Did you mean to get pregnant?”
Girl: “No. It was a cock-up.”
Grand National winning jockey Mick Fitzgerald: “Sex is an anti-climax after that!”
Desmond Lynam: “Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride, everyone saw that.”
(BBC)